(Note: This is another true story about bisexuality and the wins, and sometimes messiness, of navigating attractions and emotions in our own lives and in our friendships and marriages.)
One day, “Gavin,” (not his real name) was visiting home from seminary. I had contributed a small amount to his education, and we were also becoming friends. Even though he was younger than me, almost enough to be my son, Gavin was a guy I looked up to. He was confident, smart, funny, kind, open and a loyal friend. I also found him very attractive. The problem was, we’re both married to women. Gavin also has three kids.
We decided to go to the beach to hang out where we talked over lunch. After that we took a walk and Gavin decided to get some sun and took his shirt off. “Oh shit,” I thought to myself, this is hot. But I played it cool. I asked Gavin if he’d like to run some errands with me and he did, leaving his shirt off in the car. I drove slowly through my errands, lol. When we got back to the house he stayed and we talked some more. At some point in our conversation he stopped, looked at me and said, ‘You can tell me anything.” As an introvert with a secret to hide about my gay past, as I considered it at the time, I treasured this opportunity to open up with my friend.
Open up we did. Gavin became that friend I could talk with about anything. Life, religion, our sex lives, even our “struggles with porn,” were all subjects we tackled. Our lives touched in many ways, personally, professionally and through church. We also both loved wine. After one successful road trip to the west coast of Florida where we shared a room, and where the wine and words flowed, I decided to share my secret with Gavin.
As we started, we stopped first at a fast food place and I dropped it on him over a burger that I had had sex with guys. During the long night drive through the Everglades we processed this and he asked questions. True to his word, he didn’t judge. There was no rejection or pulling away. If anything, our friendship grew deeper.
All my life, because of daddy issues I would learn through counseling, I would crush on certain guys. One day it hit me that I had a crush on Gavin. Almost a bromance if you will. My wife started noticing how much time we spent together and even how desperate I was to spend that time with him, even over her, and that hurt her. If you’ve ever had a crush on a guy you know it can be both exhilarating, and painful. I finally decided I would tell Gavin this other secret to take away some of its power. I did when we were out at a sports bar sharing a meal. Again, no judgment or rejection. Gavin proved right that I could tell him anything. Among his questions was if this crush was sexual. I sort of dodged that part telling him it was more emotional, but I did assure him that I thought he was good looking guy.
Another trip took us out of town where again we shared a room. Walking around the city, we talked more about everything, even Gavin coaching me on his sex life secrets to success. We went swimming then went out on the town. We had a blast at this one particular bar then got a cab back to our room. No sooner than stumbling in the door we started joking about watching hotel porn. We searched for it on the room TV but it did not have this service. So, we opened up a laptop and started searching. By this time we were both getting ready for bed and Gavin was down to his briefs and I was only wearing gym shorts, commando.
We settled on a straight video and started watching it. Suddenly I looked down and to my utter surprise, Gavin had his dick out. His waistband was tucked under his balls, and there was his erect member, throbbing. I remember thinking how beautiful it was. Gavin is lean and short and now I discovered he had a long, up curved cock. All I could think was OMG and how I never imagined I would ever see this.
At this point Gavin said, “If we keep watching this I’m gonna cum.” I wanted to encourage this and decided we take our clothes off and do it. One thing led to another and before long we were in separate twin beds, fully naked, and masturbating with only the light from the porn on the laptop illuminating the room. I came first but Gavin went longer and I will never forget my buddy’s moans as he released his pent-up semen. After nutting we cleaned up and went to sleep. The next morning, he got the urge all over and suggested we have an encore. I readily agreed and we did it again. I said afterwards that it was of the best things that ever happened. I also thought about how seeing my friend’s hard dick demystified him as a person and as the object of my crush. We had been very vulnerable with each other and in a way this made us equals.
Gavin, though, felt ashamed after our encounter. I remember him pulling his hat over his eyes while we waited for our flight at the airport. When we got home we had a long talk in the car. He was mortified that I would tell anyone and I assured him it was our secret for life. He said he didn’t want to talk about it again.
Fast forward… While neither of our wives learned about our J/O session, Gavin’s wife did learn about my crush on her husband. After a NYE party where they sensed something was wrong between my wife and I, they invited us for lunch and everything spilled out. We are all in the helping professions and they encouraged us to go to marriage counseling which we did. Ironically, it was through that process that we opened our marriage so I can bate with guys openly. I also worked through my tendency to form crushes on guys.
Gavin and I remain close friends. I have embraced bisexual identity and we still have our talks. One time out at the bar he sowed his dick pic as a birthday present. And although it has not been repeated we can talk about our episode. I told Gavin that our encounter was important and actually opened the way for me to explore mutual masturbation with other guys and friends. He knows I write for Bateworld and has read some of my articles. He even suggested that I write about this topic and gave permission for me to write a graphic piece about our mutual session which is in my Bateworld Member Blog here.
Gavin and his wife are affirming and have quite a few LGBTQ friends from their social circles. His wife was even on a float in the last Pride parade. When I asked Gavin how he now identifies the other night, he said bicurious. While life is messy, it is also full of wonderful surprises and growth. I am reminded of the U2 song lyrics, “Grace…covers the shame. Removes the stain… Grace finds beauty. In everything.”
Written by Stefan Jax (Doggyboner on Bateworld.com)
Head over to his blog and read the dirtier, more graphic version of this story here!
This story is a truly great ‘share.’ Surely brought back memories from my early (gay) days and experiences with buddies from high school and after. My very best friend through my high school years (although 2 years ahead of me) and I had sex MANY times, once I actually came out to him, he never spoke to me again. Really hurt. I get the strong Southern Baptist upbringing he had had…now, but didn’t then. Ironically, some years later when I was back visiting family in San Antonio, my partner at the time and I were out at a very large gay bar…..in walks his little brother, who I hadn’t seen in years—– all grown up, but in full drag! Funny how things evolve over the years.
I find the various forms of same sex relationships fascinating in that it’s the same penis to penis eye contact; but, it’s a different emotional approach with each man and their handling of each other…be it by its physical form or it’s emotional form …or a combination of both! So, while two men can be engaged physically; but, psychologically be very different!
Trying to find somebody to do a video chat together with.
Thanks for sharing your story. I identify with Gavin because for years I did not really acknowledge that I had any attraction to guys, but then, when I was in my 40s, I began to explore and realized that I was attracted to both women and men. I had never done anything with a guy, not even masturbating with anyone. I also have quite a few guy friends who are a lot younger than me. After chatting on-line with men and masturbating together virtually for a couple of years, I finally decided to meet a man in person. This man seemed similar to me (married, though a little younger), but he got cold feet the last minute and canceled. I was disappointed, so I just picked another guy on-line to meet. We met, and he seemed really strange–he didn’t want to touch and seemed really cold. We did masturbate in front of each other in a cheap hotel room but he seemed pretty cold. It was not what I had expected, and I told my wife about it because I felt so guilty. We have had counseling and she has forgiven me, but sometimes I still feel attracted to some men, and I really can’t talk to anyone about it, except for one of my friends, who I don’t see very often because he is very busy. I really wish it could have happened naturally, with a friend, like it did with you. But, none of my friends seem remotely open to this, and so it will likely never happen. I still masturbate, and still really enjoy it. I even sometimes like to masturbate in bed, while my wife is sleeping. It’s kind of hard to be quiet, but sometimes that makes me focus more on the pleasure coursing through me. If she woke up, I would be a bit embarrassed, but it wouldn’t be something I had to apologize for (except if I made a mess…). Anyways, thanks again for sharing your story, I really appreciated it.
The part about approaching other men is somewhat difficult because, no matter how and what the words are delivered, how they fit with the other man can be nothing he could “buy into” leaving an embarrassment! How humiliating for the man who brought it up! This is where I get “cold feet” and don’t pursue any further! I just want a man to love!