The Pressures Of Dating And How To Flow Freely Into A Possible New Relationship

Choose someone that wants your type of sex, and you’re well on your way to creating a beautiful sex life.

The sound of defeat in my friend’s voice slowly transformed into frustration and then concluded with sounds of grief.  I sat across from him eating my veggie breakfast burrito and listened to all the ideas running wild in his head about why a new guy he was dating was taking so long to text back.  We all know how that goes; you wait long enough to text back to avoid looking needy or clingy.  You want the upper hand because it shows dominance and that you are the one that holds all the power.  I took bites of my burrito, and while I listened to him describe the sexual events of their last encounter, images of water began to appear in my mind.

He spoke about the intimacy and the deep conversations they shared, which lead him to believe that perhaps he had caught feelings, too much too soon, and all the “what if’s” and “should haves” sounded all too familiar to me.  I took a breath and paused to collect my thoughts, and I simply replied, “Just be water.”

I came home that afternoon and started to think about my dating history and slowly began to recall dates and relationships that left me in states of disappointment and confusion. What was it about these past relationships that always ended in disarray and left me with familiar feelings of frustration?  First and foremost, I know now that I was barking up the wrong trees.  I was investing time and energies into men that simply didn’t understand or simply didn’t care to learn about the kind of sex that gets me going. Brothers, I’ve said it once, and I’ll continue to repeat it; choose yourself first.

Choose someone that wants your type of sex, and you’re well on your way to creating a beautiful sex life.  We deeply understand the power in solo sex and should continue to explore and harness its potency for optimal sexual compatibility.

In my dating history, I’ve often placed high expectations on others and made the mistake of holding them accountable.  I’ve learned that every new romance is a fresh beginning, and we must begin to dismantle old patterns of behavior that keep us stagnant.  It all starts with showing yourself compassion first and then showing it to others around you.  When you begin to hold yourself in a safe space, you can embark on a great journey of self-discovery, one that can come with uncertainly and confusion. Still, the shadow work is necessary, and no one is responsible for that but yourself.

Often, we fail to realize that any new person of interest didn’t come to us with the cliff notes of all our past failed relationships.  To be frank, these people have no fucking clue, and the expectation that they should automatically understand is a heavy weight to bear and is unfair and undeserving.

So when a new person of interest in my life appears, I make a deliberate effort to move like water.  Water is refreshing, and it has the power to rejuvenate and reinvigorate.  These are the positive feelings we should be tapping into, not the ones that leave us feeling like old versions of ourselves.  I choose to move like rivers, always cool and free-flowing among the debris.  Allow yourself the opportunity to experience a new mindset and change the narrative in your head about what was supposed to happen and simply allow it to happen.

You have and will always have agency because you can learn to identify the negative and make a change.  If something doesn’t feel right, you can express your feelings and then choose to continue or end it.  What I don’t want my brothers doing is choosing to be lakes.  Lakes are dynamic and dark; they hold onto weight because they have nowhere to flow.  Lakes hang around wallowing in the unknown, and wait idly for action rather than seeking it.

Sometimes, the relationships that we envision for ourselves don’t manifest in the way we think they should. So we must find the courage to self love ourselves into actions of healing rather than disillusionment.  I challenge you to move like rivers in your next dating adventure because water never asks for anything in return.  Water simply nourishes our bodies without expectation and gently regenerates feelings of good well being.  Isn’t this what all-new relationships should do for us?

Step back from trying to have the upper hand and step forward with whole hearts. A real way to make a meaningful connection is in your ability to gather the courage to be vulnerable and be open, but should the feelings not be reciprocated, move forward like rivers until your path is clear again.  I received a text message later that night from my friend with a screenshot; his new date interest had finally texted back.  Allow others to move like rivers also and eventually, with fingers crossed; you will ultimately meet up around the bend.

By BW Member Beastlybator

Check out his article on Solosexuality