Let’s Put an End to Bi Erasure With Strong Bisexual Bonds

In celebration of Bisexual Awareness Month (September), Week (September 18-22), and Day (September 23), BateWorld and The Bator Blog recognize the importance of bi awareness and offers another way in which bi voices can be heard. Writer and author StefanJax (aka doggyboner on BateWorld) shares his bisexual bond, the erasure that exists, and how forming such bonds (sexual or otherwise) can stomp out this pervasive problem. Let’s put an end to bi erasure with strong bisexual bonds.

The Strong Bonds of Bisexual Men 

Bro-bonding is talked about a lot. From close friends to sexual intimacy, men thrive on closeness and knowing another man has their back. Bisexual bonds are strong.

History tells us, as many of us know, that homosexual pair bonds in the militaries of ancient Greece were viewed as boosting morale.  In his book, The Western Way of War by Victor Davis Hanson, he notes that the Spartan tradition of military heroism has been explained in light of strong emotional bonds resulting from homosexual relationships.

Various ancient Greek sources record incidents of courage in battle and attribute them to homoerotic bonds. In fact, two male lovers, Harmodius and Aristogeiton, are credited with the downfall of tyranny in Athens and the rise of democracy.

One longtime friend, who I met when he was twenty and a perfect twink, came out to me as bisexual a couple decades after we met. Soon after, I told him I was bi too. We then became jerk-off buddies. Earlier in our lives, he and his wife came to our wedding. We helped him with a little work during the Great Recession. And when my wife and I were having a hard time over sexual issues, he helped us open our marriage so I could bate with guys and became a sort of mentor to me about bisexuality and our shared love of naturism.

For the past decade, this friend and I have enjoyed masturbating to porn and mutual jerk-off sessions several times a year, sometimes monthly. We know each other’s bodies and likes and dislikes well, and he has explosive orgasms, which are a joy to watch.

Friendships, whether bonded through masturbation or otherwise, Are Important

My four longest-lasting and deepest friendships are with four other bi guys, and I’ve bated with three of them. When I met these four guys decades ago, none of us knew we were bi. All of us are, or have been, married to women at some point.

Our revelations of bisexuality came out over time through mutual trust. The one exception was a friend who was the first guy I ever jacked off with when we were in our late teens and early twenties. We were hanging out, having beers one night, listening to reggae, and sharing weed.

The conversation turned to sex and masturbation—how often we jack, how far we shoot, how we like to do it—things all guys are curious about. I knew we were both feeling horny, so I took a chance and asked my friend if he’d like to jerk off together right then, and he said he would. So we went into my bedroom, got naked, and masturbated on separate twin beds until we both came.

This opened a door for both of us and would be repeated over the years. He even asked me for a blowjob one time, which I was happy to give.

Eventually my friend moved away, got married, and divorced, and twenty or so years later we reconnected over beers. We got caught up as longtime friends. It was comfortable. Somehow, as we talked about our lives, we both got the urge and decided to get a hotel room and enjoy the relaxing pleasure of mutual masturbation once again, looking at porn on our phones.

Bisexuality is Natural

Research points to the benefits of male bonding through sex. In a recent Queer Majority article titled “Monkey Business: Bisexuality Pays Off,” author Ian Lawrence-Tourinho writes, “Researchers studied 236 adult males within a colony of 1,700 rhesus macaques living freely on the tropical island of Cayo Santiago, Puerto Rico. They found that a whopping 72% of the males engaged in same-sex behavior and that all of them, except for one individual, were observed mounting females as well. Even more eye-popping than the fact that almost three-fourths of the male monkeys are bisexual” was the ironic fact that “same-sex behavior was a predictor of more offspring, not fewer.”

Lawrence-Tourinho identified other evolutionary advantages. The researchers found that “same-sex behavior in males was strongly correlated with ‘coalitionary bonds.’ That is, the more often two males bonded sexually, the more likely they were to support each other during conflicts within the group, providing them both with an advantage.”

Studies on primates are informative, but does this translate to humans?

Bisexuals Are Here

According to Lawrence-Tourinho and based on extensive surveys and polling, “a legitimate case can be made that a majority of humans could actually be bisexual. About 58%, in fact, by some rough calculations. Public attitudes, however, continue to lag far behind the science, and bi erasure* remains rampant.” The full Queer Majority article can be found here

One guy who I have been friends with for over forty years identifies as bi and leans straight. While we’ve never bated together, we have watched porn together, and we know each other’s most private sexual predilections. My wife and I travel with him and refer to him as a “refrigerator friend,” which is a friend so close they can take the last beer out of your fridge without asking.

Finally, one of my closest friends and I bated one time accidentally in a hotel room after drinks and joked about watching hotel porn. One thing led to another, and soon we were naked on separate beds, masturbating our dicks to straight porn we played on a laptop. I never thought I’d ever get to see his hard cock, much less hear his erotic moaning while he ejaculated, but I did.

We were already friends who could tell each other anything and still do, and we are involved in each other’s lives on various levels. While he felt shame after this initial experience, he has since come to identify as bi, and we have talked about one day bating together again. To me, bating with him cemented our friendship even further.

*Bisexuals make up over 52% of the LGBTQ+ community. However, sadly, despite this, our experience is that we are often silenced by the public, media and even the queer community. Bisexual+ people will often talk about feeling stuck, being “too gay” for the straights, and “too straight” for the LGBTQ+ community. As a result, we get bisexual erasure. According to The Bisexuality Invisibility Report, bisexual erasure “refers to a lack of acknowledgement and ignoring of the clear evidence that bisexuals exist.”

Over the years, especially in the early 2000s, the word ‘gay’ became synonymous with the things that most young boys are taught (by society) to fear: weakness, sensitivity, failure, lack of physicality. These harmful stereotypes made not just gay men fearful of their sexuality, it also affected bisexual men too. When a boy (especially one who everyone ‘assumed’ was gay previously) came out as bisexual+, some people would assume he was in fact gay, but not ready to admit it.

Source: https://www.melo.cymru/

Our Bisexuality Makes Us Better Men

BateWorld member BatorBroski47 is an online friend and sex partner. We enjoy when I watch him masturbate on cam and encourage him by voice. We also like our age difference, and we both feel a deep connection that culminates when I watch him masturbate and revel in his orgasm.

BatorBroski47 expresses our connection this way: “When I’m masturbating for you, I feel understood and cared for. I feel that I can express myself in a way that I am otherwise unable to in other forms of friendship. Masturbating with you makes me feel confident and powerful. It provides me with a release and a social connection that I need.”

Masturbating together with other men can be powerful. It can also be a way to strengthen and deepen longtime friendships and even form enduring bro bonds that can be mutually beneficial in a variety of ways over time.

What are some similar experiences you’ve had or would like to have with your bros, sexual or otherwise? Let us know in the comments below.

Written by StefanJax (aka doggyboner on BateWorld)

Go here for more from this author

Get educated

Erasure of Bisexuality

https://www.health.com/mind-body/lgbtq-health/bi-erasure

https://www.hrc.org/resources/bisexual-faq