This article asks and attempts to answer the question, “Why don’t more people in committed relationships share mutual masturbation?” whether hetero or looking for same-sex male masturbation. I am personally in a long-term marriage (54 years) in which we’ve shared masturbation from the very beginning.
Sharing one’s most intimate feelings and actions is an extremely arousing activity, so I’ve always been curious as to why more couples don’t have mutual masturbation a part of their regular sexual activities.
Here are some things that might be holding you back, that once you’ve recognized, you’ll actually be able to introduce mutual masturbation to your partner and enjoy it together.
Mutual Masturbation poll on BateWorld
This past month, I posted a poll at BateWorld, asking both straight and gay couples if they enjoy shared masturbation. The results were interesting. As of this writing, there were 331 votes. 26% of them represented same-sex couples that regularly enjoyed sharing male masturbation, as contrasted to only 11% of votes from hetero couples.
Another smaller poll over on a gay Tumblr blog displays much the same response, with more gays sharing masturbation than straight couples, almost 5 to 1. The gay vote was 9.2% and the straight, 2%.
But those are not impressive numbers. I would have thought that by this point in time, more couples – gay and straight – would have become comfortable with sharing masturbation with each other.
I asked my gay friend, Brody what he thought about all this and he replied with these 4 points:
4 things that might be holding you back
- Stigma – As we all know, for many people masturbation carries some level of stigma. I’m either doing something I enjoy that I shouldn’t, and if it’s something I enjoy I must keep it private. I think from a very young age when we begin masturbating it’s an activity that we – rightly or wrongly – believe we must not talk about. I mean, it takes some bravery to admit you masturbate, let alone that you also enjoy it.
- Communication issues – I think this can apply to both straight couples and gay couples. Communicating what we enjoy sexually also carries some perceived risk. Will my partner think I’m sexually perverted? Strange? If it’s masturbation we’re talking about, will my partner think I don’t like him/her sexually if I still enjoy masturbating. I think within this category might be the people who think “I’m in a relationship now, I shouldn’t have to masturbate anymore.” Again, is masturbation perceived as a stigma, or something to be ashamed of. Like I said, are some people just too afraid to admit that they enjoy masturbation – and – and it’s a big one – that they enjoy it enough to be honest about wanting to continue doing it even though they are in a relationship.
- Privacy – And then there’s the whole thought that masturbation is something that is so personal and intimate that it must be done in private. Just like a gay person comes out of the closet, coming out as someone who enjoys masturbation takes some bravery, though it’s hard for some of us to understand this thinking. There may be some fear, as I said above, about what their partner might think about their enjoyment of masturbating.
- Being watched – Last and final thought is physically allowing someone to watch you masturbate is something that perhaps some people just can’t get over. I’m sure for many who are more inhibited it feels a bit exposed to “show” someone how you masturbate, especially if you’re hanging on to some of those notions that it’s a private, more intimate act that shouldn’t be discussed, let alone “show” how one masturbates.
I think Brody’s explanation is spot-on. He hits some major bullet points. Very insightful. Thank you Brody for taking the time to collaborate on this.
It requires having enough honesty and courage to confess to each other your feelings and personal habits.
Mutually acknowledging
So here we all are, 37 years after the release of Betty Dodson’s iconic Sex for One. If you haven’t read it, get a copy. If I were to teach a college level class on Human Sexuality, Sex for One would be on the syllabus. I would have thought that Betty’s words would have reached more ears by now. Back when the book first came out, my wife and I both felt Betty’s work was a refreshing affirmation of what we already believed and practiced regarding masturbation.
All I can add is that in order to enjoy what we have (meaning my wife and I, and Brody and his partner) really requires mutually acknowledging masturbation early in the relationship. It requires having enough honesty and courage to confess to each other your feelings and personal habits.
Communication is key
Can couples who have been together for “a while” find their way to this kind of mutual acceptance and freedom? It can happen, with communication, but most of the time it doesn’t happen.
At the end of the day, communication is the key, whether it’s that initial “coming out” to one another that you enjoy pleasuring your own body, or whether it’s the even more exhilarating kind of communication that happens when two people in a relationship enjoy the benefits of a mutual comfort level for mutual masturbation.
It’s fascinating and fun to learn just how the other person pleasures themselves, what kinds of toys they like, and what kind of images or writing arouses them. You establish a mutual understanding and appreciation for masturbation, and hopefully also allow one another adequate private time for practicing solo sex.
Trust me, openness and honesty is the best policy. It beats having to hide your porn and sneak off to the garage or basement to jack-off.
Written by BateWorld member Maturebator1949
