How Masturbation Can Ease Your Traumas And Help Reclaim Your Worthiness

Solosexuality has provided me the safe space that I need in order to take back my power.

The first thing I did was panic.  It was happening again and I felt it first in my chest as my heartbeat went into overdrive.  I couldn’t breathe.  I felt dizzy and confused and all I wanted to do was throw my cell phone at the wall and hope to watch it crack and destroy all the text messages that were causing me to feel frightened, alone, insignificant, and abandoned. 

I couldn’t process what was happening to me and I jumped back into old patterns of behavior and I began to disassociate.  I retreated back into familiar defense behaviors without thinking; I reacted instead of responding.  I spent the next few days trying to understand why I felt as if I’d just gone into a war zone, yet I was safe at work with no harm insight.  My body felt like I’d been in a boxing match for days and yet I was eating, sleeping, and engaging with friends as if nothing had happened. 

How could one person have such a negative effect on me and why did I feel completely helpless in stopping it?

As I embark on a new adventure of becoming a Certified Sex Coach, I’ve had the pleasure of gaining information that has given me new insights into my own trauma and my response to it.  I’ve learned to firstly, treat myself with as much compassion as I possibly can, and then take a few days to recover and when I’m ready, begin to understand what triggered my trauma and why I reacted the way I did.  One of the most important lessons that I have learned is that we can not control the effects of our trauma. 

The best we can do is ride it out, cope as best we can, and seek help if we need it.  As much as I wanted to move beyond the threat I could not shake off this uncomfortable feeling of impending doom and my bating suffered for it.  I didn’t feel sexy and I was feeling completely unloved and neglected.  The one solitary act that has given me the most joy in my life, wasn’t cutting it for me and so I stopped all masturbation for a few days.

There came a turning point during the recovery phase in which I decided to get away with a friend and spend a lovely morning/afternoon at the beach.  I needed water and open spaces to feel rejuvenated and alive; I needed to feel safe with someone that I knew cared and loved me and distance myself from the person causing me so much distress.  My friend asked how I was feeling and as I began to talk about the person and the destination they had caused, she stopped me in mid-sentence and said “I didn’t ask about this person, I asked you how you are feeling.”  This was a total light bulb moment. 

For most of my life, I have lived in survival mode, always feeling a sense of unworthiness that made me put the focus and attention on the other person and never about myself.  I understand now that while we may wish to move past our trauma and resolve it as soon as we can, we are not obligated to do so.  We must first hold a safe space for ourselves, no matter the amount of time it takes, and partake in acts of self-love that keep our spirits high.

Solosexuality has provided me the safe space that I need in order to take back my power.  My lifestyle has enhanced not only my ability to self-love but has also given me the agency to set boundaries with the people in my life and hold them accountable for any hurt they may have caused.  My masturbation practice has added a tremendous amount of confidence and security and I turn to my bate sessions for my time of comfort and rest.  I now find that in my most difficult life situations, I look inward for healing and no longer have the need to search for an external source of validation.  Masturbation has become a spiritual practice to ease my anxieties and allow my body and mind to rest as I begin to restore my life to a pleasant balance.  When you are Solosexual you are all things to yourself which means, seeking safety, connecting to love, and validating your emotions FIRST before you extend that courtesy to anyone else.

I get it, we’re human, and being alive means we seek out connection and foster community instinctually, but we’re unable to make positive contributions if our mental health is out of sync.  It should be the best practice to make your masturbation rituals a sacred space of tranquility and safety.  This shouldn’t suggest that if and when you’re triggered you should jerk off until you feel better, but rather, use the powerful energies that masturbation provides as a source of confidence to take a step back and respond, rather than react to your traumas.  I take my Solosexuality very seriously which means I no longer hold anyone else accountable for my self-healing.  I teach others how I want to be treated and set boundaries to hold myself and others accountable which is a hard thing to do when you’re unsure of who you are.  Masturbation can be a great catalyst for change because when you take sex into your own hands, you learn that you can also take other aspects of your life into your own hands.  

Outside forces will undoubtedly trigger you, but it’s not worth losing a nut over.

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