The process of unlearning the shame in masturbation can be daunting, but the rewards are glamorous.
His apartment was spacious with touches of rustic modern flair that matched his woodsy urban aesthetic. His apartment felt like a cabin in the middle of Brooklyn and I appreciated his attention to detail both in his appearance and home. We had exchanged brief Scruff messages for a few weeks in which I learned about his childhood growing up in upstate New York; the woods used to be his playground. He was handsome, with a full beard, tattooed arms, and had the uncanny ability to make me feel both sexy and mundane simultaneously. This was to be the first red flag in a series of many, but I was intrigued by his sluggish approach to our “relationship”.
I had been living in New York for about 2 years and the exhilaration of moving to a new state was beginning to fade and my dating adventures were becoming tedious. Sex had become a chore and my novice Solosexuality, still in its infant stage, stopped me from procuring the sex I really wanted to have. Cabin guy had a knack for testing my intelligence by asking me questions about subjects I did not know about or frankly didn’t give a fuck about. He would go days without sending me a message and then bam! I’d wake up at 3 AM on a Tuesday by his shirtless selfie looking sexy AF on some Coney Island beach. He wanted to be seen and desired and I was hooked.
“HOT! So when exactly are we hooking up?” I’d reply
Sunglasses face emoji would be his answer.
He repeatedly asked me to send pictures of myself which I jubilantly provided in hopes of locking in a date to meet. I would send time-consuming selfies, making myself appear sexy in a way I thought would entice him and as usual, he would take days to reply with lackluster responses like “cute” and “cool” and alas the worst of them all; “thanks.”
I’d all but given up when one late Friday night he invited me over to his place to hang out which I should have said no to but was fully committed to commemorating him on my fuck list and bragging about it to my friends at our next bar adventure. I showed up smelling amazing and was greeted by a weary “hey.” He appeared to be out of sorts somehow, but I didn’t inquire because I was on a mission and frankly didn’t want to be bothered. He offered me a glass of whiskey and made our way to his couch and as he sat on one end, he pointed for me to sit on the opposite end; “this is gonna be rough” I thought and I was not wrong.
During the course of our night, he spoke about the troubles he was having with a few guys he was dating, asked me if I could massage his mildly odorous feet and scoffed when I told him about my desire to make it in the world of high fashion photography. When we finally did begin to have sex, he made comments about my body pointing out my stretch marks, the density of my ethnic hair, and how I failed to capture the width of my waist in the pictures I sent him. I fucked him anyway. I left his apartment that night feeling defeated and found it extremely difficult to justify the events of the night; for the first time, I was having a sex life crisis. Why didn’t I leave? Why did I sit around and take this abuse? This is what gay sex is, right?
Brothers, I can hear the collective moans of disappointment as you read this article and I share the same sentiment. I can laugh about his encounter now, but for days after I felt great disappointment in myself. I invalidated my sexual power because I did not want to experience rejection of my sex and I allowed myself to be mistreated due to a lack of sexual confidence that I should have been cultivating. I recognize now the importance of Bators to be confident about what they offer the world. It does not serve us to hide in the shadows of penetrative sex; we must firmly step forward with dongs held high and proclaim our marvelous sex. When you hesitate to communicate your wants and needs, you neglect your authentic self and forget that your voice is important, powerful, and life-changing.
The process of unlearning the shame in masturbation can be daunting, but the rewards are glamorous. Whatever circumstances you find yourself in as you read this article, I encourage you to investigate your sexual desires. Pay attention to the type of porn you watch as you bate and make note of who you communicate with on dating apps.
When you stay present in your sexual research, you will better comprehend what arouses you thus building a deeper understanding of who you are which creates great self-assurance. Begin to slowly reduce the shame that you have about masturbation and morph solo sex into a rebellious act of self-love. Cabin guy was not the main cause of my discomfort and so I began to hold myself accountable for unlocking my solo sex powers and committing to never again settling for bleak sexual encounters.
Go forth in the world with pride in your penis and stand firm in the belief that you are a sexy, confident male with much to offer to other males. The world is full of tops and bottoms who all provide a great service to our brotherhood, but what I passionately believe is lacking, are capable Bator brothers to hold space for men that require a different sexual need. I thank Cabin guy for his ill-treatment for he was a catalyst of change in my life; if the sex sucks, bate your dong until it’s better.
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Hear hear! Beautiful thoughts, bro!
SEX
Our desire for shared organisms should not take us down a self-destructive road. But, our personal shame is often a sign accepting ourselves.
But, I do know the story of someone so eager to be a bottom or a top that he lost his own self projection of dignity.
I like mutual touch with goals.