Being an open solosexual is something M.B. Timothy (Saboteur on Bateworld) knows well and celebrates the relationship he has with himself proudly. Timothy has been published on The Bator Blog where he wrote the popular articles, The Truth About Male Orgasm Parts One and Two. His blog No Love Like Solo Love is dedicated to masturbation and body pride. He has been called a Guru of Technique and an Evangelist of Self Love.
Timothy’s book CEDAR: An Ode To Masturbation, available now on Amazon, is a sensual celebration of solosexuality through fact and fiction, in two parts. Part One pieces together the author’s sexuality through fragments of memory and dogma. Below is an excerpt.
I will never accept that being solosexual is the same as being alone. To accept I am solosexual is not akin to accepting a life of solitude. Being solosexual means I derive sexual pleasure from myself. My hand, my penis. My orgasm by my hand. My ejaculation by my hand. It does not mean I get everything from myself. My brothers and sisters are my life. My bator brothers are my people. I will stand with you always. Stand with me.
To be solosexual is to say I revel in the sexuality of my body. I desire my body. To have a penis is to bear witness to an erection. An erection is the epicentre of my pleasure. Male pleasure has been for too long equated as ejaculatory. My manifesto is that male pleasure is dry. Male pleasure is the erection itself. The sight of it. The power of it. The stiffness of it in my hand. An erect male penis is heavy and beautiful. As I rub it, the pleasure it produces is worshipped. The way it pulses and stiffens as I pound it. The build of it. The tightening within. The promise. The slow secretion of viscous liquid. I will love it. I will love my penis.
I will bring myself powerfully, frequently, sensually, lovingly to the point of no return but I MUST ALWAYS withhold ejaculation at first. To masturbate over the point of no return in one action is a waste. It is on that tipping point that the promise and delivery of pleasure itself is mixed in one sensation. On that point is the male orgasm, which is NOT ejaculatory. A male orgasm need not be wet. I will love myself and give myself dry orgasms every day. Over and over. I will remember the truth that I have had dry orgasms longer than I have had wet ones. I will be frequent with the gift I give myself.
Only after I have orgasmed to a satisfactory amount, an amount only the particular day, my penis, my yearning will dictate to me, will I allow myself to go to the wet phase of ejaculation. Ejaculation of semen is a uniquely male phenomenon. To ejaculate is to become a man. Sperm shot from a penis is an external manifestation of male pleasure and sexuality. Only by loving myself longer and more frequently… Only by separating dry and wet orgasm through edging… Only by honouring my penis with sustained masturbation will my ejaculations achieve the epitome of the pleasure and power I am capable of.
An edged man will shoot more sperm. An edged man will stay harder longer and his erections will be more virile. An edged man becomes the best version of his sexual self. My penis is hard. My hand is gripping my penis. As a masturbator, as a solosexual, I am honouring my gift. I am an edged man. I will stay an edged man. I will always be an edged man. This is what I believe.
I recall as I write these words the day I decided to live my truth, so to speak. It was the day I planted the flag in the soil and admitted, at least to me, that I am a solosexual. I say “live my truth” as if my being solosexual was always there, but obscured, like a palimpsest on the wall revealed only by cleaning. I have had a lifetime of layering over what was my innate nature.
It was a day when I saw Julian Rosefeldt’s show, called Manifesto, at the Australian Centre for the Moving Image in Melbourne. In it Cate Blanchett appears in a 13-film installation celebrating the Manifestos of art and politics through history. She rants and raves in robotic delivery the lingo of the dogmatic. My words above pummel like some evangelist of masturbation. Language is eroticised and reclaimed by the masturbator. My penis gets hard when I write in bate speak for it excites me to connect with my brother, the masturbator, through words we have created for ourselves.
Words like Gooner. Bator. Popperbator. Monkeybator. Batespread. Goontard. Batefuel. Masturbragging. Fuckturbator. But if I am not careful I can depart easily into the bate zone where all men’s penises are erect and autonomously pleasured by hand. I can get lost there, as Narcissus was lost peering into the pool of his own reflection, and I do not wish to be lost just now. Instead I grab my thoughts by the scruff of the neck and return to the day I declared my solosexuality to myself.
I am unsurprised that after seeing Rosefeldt’s show I went home and wrote a Manifesto of my own. I had decided on that day to be solosexual. That means what it means, of course – I have sex with myself – but it meant acknowledging I had no problem with the shadow of solosexuality, an unsettling byproduct all solosexuals must face: that of being alone. When I went into the show I was intimidated by the possibility of a lonely life. I was just a few months out of a nine-year relationship and I knew I may be alone a long time, if not for the rest of my life. I felt adrift, like a small piece of wood on the ocean. The show, Manifesto, helped me tremendously. I saw that I too had a voice, even if spoken from the margins. I too had beliefs, even if they were at odds with the accepted norms.
I am not one to be out of control. I am an edged man. Edging is about control. Just as I can control my orgasm to the millisecond, I can control my life. This is why I feel safe to confront the shadow. Being alone and being lonely are not the same. Being alone can be my goal, in the same vein as how Jung said to make death your goal can sharpen the intensity of your life.
At the end of the day, when I get into bed, I am alone and I touch my own body. In this way my aloneness is flipped to become comforting in and of itself. At night I feel my hands on my body. The way I touch myself in the night is a most satisfying intimacy. I wake up gently caressing my hairy chest as a lover might. In the morning, my stiff penis begs for me to satiate it. My sheets bear the dried, crackling evidence of a lot of sex.
I stink easily – like a sweaty boar – because my nervous system activates when I am aroused. I spend so much of my day in arousal. My underarms drip with sweat. I feel it run down my sides, a cool droplet cutting a path through heat. These drops sizzle and burn away as male musk wafts from the sensual garden of my pits.
There are not many proclaimed solosexuals in the world, and so we teach ourselves how to be. We must share. We are never given tips to live as a solosexual. On the contrary, we are raised with the exaltation of partnering and pair-bonding. Society works very hard against us. If we are not pair-bonded, society will have us blame ourselves for some lack. Society actively profits from you not liking yourself. To be a masturbator is therefore defiant. Being solosexual is radical. It deserves its own dogma and I am prepared to spout off about it.
The honesty of your writing is always sensuous and inspiring, your thoughts on solosexuality more considered than others. Good luck with your book!
I resently bought Jason Armstrong’s “Solosexual Portrait of a Masturbator” and will now definetely add “Cedar, An Ode to Masturbation” Thank you all for sharing.
The honesty of a solosexual.
You have not done more than describe the way I most enjoy my cock, body, brain and soul. Greetings from Argentina!
Amazing book. I’m enjoying every single word.
I too love to masturbate my penis and see it as a self sufficient act of self love, not a substitute for ’real sex’. Bate on brother, good to hear your openness and hope maybe we’ll stroke together some time. Not sure I would define myself as solosexual as I am married and love to fucj my woman. But I also profoundly love to masturbate. So hard as I write this and stroke.
I love this story, I enjoyed it very much reading it!
This sounds like a fantastic read. Just ordered it to have while on upcoming vacation.
A wonderful excerpt that really speaks to me. So well written. I had not heard the term solosexual before. I suppose I hadn’t considered it because as a gay men I have many sexual interests with other men – Fetish, naked, BDSM, a touch of fem etc. I would not be able to adopt the label ‘solosexual’ to define my sexuality completely, However, I have discovered a whole side of my sexuality, the side that gives myself pleasure and also wants to do so in a great community of baters, also with cock in hand, This self love and pleasuring tie in nicely with what I’ve learned of tantra. Just now I’m having a wonderful, hours’ long session of edging, dry orgasming, spasming and in a lot of pleasure, It all makes perfect sense. Thank you.
I have considered myself a solosexual for many years now. About two years ago I gave in to a deep sense of a calling to suck cock. I still do not allow myself to orgasm outside of masturbating myself. So I am an unusual kind of solosexual; one who regularly sucks cocks as often as the opportunity is presented to me.
i don’t think you are an unusual solo/bator. cocksuckers are mostly men that masturbate while servicing another man. as essentially solo, and love to masturbate with other men too, when i enjoy my other love – being serviced – it is linked totally to watching the other man masturbate, fuelled. and fuelling
I’m a solo sexual primarily but also a cock sucker when cruising parks and hook up sites love daddy’s penis
I have just competed a 25 year stint as a solosexual.
Menopause killed a thriving sexual appetite in wife and we made a deal, no sex if i could ‘bate as and when required. I have never ‘gone outside’ to satisfy my urges as it would hurt wife as much as her doing that would hurt me.
The deal has kept me sane and very possibly out of jail.
Very recently separated, for another reason, and now my bi-curiosity has become item #1 on my agenda.
My situation is very similar to John’s. I have been in a long-term marriage when I was diagnosed with an illness that required certain medications. After a year on the med, I got the side effect of total ED. I couldn’t get it up no matter what. What followed next was even worse — I lost my Libido. I had no desire to do anything anytime.
After about six years they took me off the meds. In a year, my Libido came back like a 16-year-olds, I wanted to jerk off all the time, but I still had to find a solution to my wife and ED.
I worked with my doctor, found a semi-solution, but when my wife and I tried having a sex life, she said, “It’s been too long. And your interested in other things.”
And that’s the time I said, it’s not I’m interested in other things, I’m not gay, I just can’t bring you to climax by penetration. From now on, I’ll take care of myself with my own hands.
And I started learning about Solosexuality.
Thank you for so honestly, sincerely, and articulately expressing your experience and journey. It’s healing, fulfilling, and reassuring to hear your voice which tells me I am not alone. I have been amazed at how much I have learned about myself, especially lately, during long, extended edging sessions awakening me to the experience that there is so much more to learn. When in that sacred space that is so sought-after and prized by our species and, apparently, others, sounds, “voices”, emerge and speak from the depths of my primal being and then I don’t often want to just sit or lie while “floating” in that other universe but am moved to “dance”, move,, in ways that move the energies that are awakened in ways and directions of “their” own choosing as my ego gets “out of the way” to simply enjoy the ride. Again, thank you for peaking what I suspect many have felt but not known how to give voice to.
We are all gurus of masturbation. There is no definitive ‘right’ way only your own way. What starts out as gentle guidance can be (to some) peer pressure and possibly frustratingly unattainable.
love to join you on bate
Editor’s Note: Sorry Mark, but we can’t publish e-mail addresses here for legal reasons. Perhaps you could share your BateWorld screen name and you guys could connect that way.
Thanks man, for helping me feel less lonely in my aloneness. It came first as an unwelcome result of social anxiety, but to a great extent, I have learned how to be content in it.
Love it. Inspiring and encouraging to those of us considering fully embracing the lifestyle. Thx.
This is beautiful! I hope that solosexuality is embraced and accepted one day. As a female solosexual this is double-y important for me as no one knows we exist! I have a similiar blog to this on my site emmalillyofficial.com
I’m so happy to be a solo sexual proud small penis masturbator
Loving this, and the treasure trove of information, direction, and insight has only made me want this more! Have your books and truly enjoy them. Thanks for your honesty and guidance. Bate on!!
For 10 years I have accepted that I am a masturbator (actually it is much longer than that) but I think that it was only a decade ago that I would have said “I am a masturbator.” However, I would only say that to myself, I would not openly proclaim it. Also about 10 years ago, when I discovered BateWorld, I described myself as being Solosexual. Again, an admission only to myself rather than to others, though it was there on my profile, so it was a step forward even if within the company of like-minded brothers. Very recently I seem to have changed somehow and have allowed myself to just say ” I am a masturbator, I am solosexual and I am very happy with that.” With those 14 words I felt somehow a calmness and a sense of happiness, not that I was unhappy before. However, my total acceptance of my solosexual masturbator self seems to have set me free, even more free than I was before. It is like going back to the beginning and accepting that one is gay.
Below this box one has to give one’s name, at first I did not put my full name and then I thought if I did that I would be denying all that I had just written. So there it is for all to see and know.
Embracing both my solo and hypersexual nature in my 30’s has been a liberating revelation. I spend a minimum of 4-5 hours everyday masturbating while incorporating a variety of porn, sexting, phone sex, and erotic literature. Frequently my sessions extend to 6 hours and will hit the 10 hour mark on occasion. It’s been this way for close to 5 years and my desire only grows. My life is quite literally devoted to jacking off….to longer, better, more intense orgasms. No shame, only love of self, love of pleasure, love of penis, love of orgasm, love of porn, love of cum.
I’m solosexual and choosing a solo life now without a partner so I’ll only masturbate for my own sexual pleasure. I love my cock, I love stroking it and fucking it off with a flesh light and I love orgasming and shooting my cum to porn. I’m 62 and still get myself off 2 to 4 times a day every day.
I would have never expected to see Jung mentioned in a masturbation blog, lol.
On another note, I love playing with my chest hair too!
I love to masturbate I prefer to masturbate then have sex I like to masturbate for long periods of time in front of mirror or with other masturbaters I like to look at penis while masturbating
I am a full-on full-time fully-fledged, hypersexual, compulsive, solosexual and adddicted masturbator. I have been married 50yrs, and still share the double bed at night with my wife. I/we, have not had sexual intercourse for 29yrs. I have never been ashamed, or unhappy, with choosing my masturbator lifestyle. I’ve masturbated for 56yrs. Even though l was having sexual intercourse, masturbating, has always been my preferred form of sex. I masturbated so much, that sometime, over my masturbative years, addiction was added to the mix. By the time 40yrs of age came along, what l use to do all night, took me, all night to do. So one had to go. I couldn’t keep up with both. Age had come a knocking. So it was either sexual intercourse, 🤔 or masturbation. The choice was easy. Sexual intercourse was the one l preferred to give up. So since turning 40, for the last 29yrs, it’s just been, Masturbate Masturbate Masturbate.