Honing your online skills: Words of Arousal

Insights from a bating sexologist, Dr. Jallen Rix (hand2rod)

“You don’t just masturbate… you display, you exhibit your sexuality as much for the viewer’s pleasure as your own… it pleasures you to masturbate for us… you look at the camera as if watching us watching you as you entertain us with your naked self-pleasure. It’s that desire to be enjoyed sexually by others that I find so erotic about you. xxx”

This compliment from articulate bator extraordinaire, PornDog, appeared underneath one of my recent videos on BateWorld, and it demonstrates a great feature of creating connection online. In the literal world of internet words – messages, texts, tweet, blogs, and so on… obviously, one of the most powerful tools you can use to “make friends” is giving compliments.

Conversely, it’s a lot easier in this word-addled reality to swing in the opposite direction. It’s much easier to be negative, WAY negative – judging, criticizing, sarcasm, snakiness, making fun of… It’s not just an observation, but there’s a lot of scientific research on it. To be brief, our minds have been trained to respond quickly to negative input (fight or flight), yet our brains often respond slowly to happier experiences (we want to savor the good stuff). Therefore, we get used to spitting venom at the blink of an eye, but to give a genuine compliment, it can feel like we have to bring our whole fast-paced society to a crawl.

As a result, there tends to be a ton of negative, critical, judgmental, content in everyday life, and a real shortage of optimistic perspectives. That’s why a well placed, sincere statement of gratitude or affirmation can literally change the course of your day, not to mention the course of someone’s life.

Actually, compliments are some of the easiest positive communications one can make, but good ones can take some thought. Ya just see what you like and genuinely respond to it. Heck! It works on or off the Net. You want to meet that new person across the bar or in a social setting? Walk up and tell them WHY you want to meet them. Yes, it’s scary and vulnerable. That’s the adventurous part of being you! There’s a chance that someone can’t take the compliment – they wig out, they deny it, they ignore it, they think you’re weird. Yes, it stings a bit when they can’t appreciate your attempt to put something positive out into the public eye, especially when it’s about them, for goodness sake. But if they can’t see your sincere desire to connect, it sure tells you a lot about them.

One way I keep the fear of rejection at a low level is to focus on the GIVING of the compliment rather than what I want to get from it. I use to say to certain guys, “Thanks for not shaving your chest, it’s really sexy” because I was hoping to get a chance to rub my face in a beautiful bed of fur. If a guy responded negatively, then I considered it a failure – “rejection.” But nowadays, my motivation has shifted. We’ve got way too much negativity and judgmentalism in the world, and way too much to be grateful for, so I try to give out positive reinforcement, and compliments as much as possible without any requirement to respond. It’s how I want to be in the world, rather than what I want to get from someone else. It doesn’t come from a need to get a response back, and guess what? As a result, I hardly ever feel any real rejection. Furthermore, when some hairy stud then does let me rub my face on his chest – it’s a win/win!

As I said, we need all the positive reinforcement we can choke down to combat the unbridled avalanche of negativity, so speak up. BateWorld is a great place to practice. General compliments are always welcome – “Fuck yeah, bro, blow that load!” “Nice bate.” “Go, bator, go!” (sometimes, that’s about all I can type with one hand – wink!) I think one of the reasons BW feels like such a safe place is that we really are pretty complimentary. The comments section on a given page is almost always a “compliments section.”

Furthermore, like porndogs’ compliment, the more detailed you can be about what arouses you in a video or photo or profile, the more opportunity you give that person to connect with you, and vice versa. When Porndog sent me that message, I found myself thinking, “Wow! This guy really took the time to see me. He gets what I’m about. Who knows how many others see me too and just don’t respond.” It makes me feel validated, encouraged, sexy and hard! I can’t find a downside to this. Over time, PD and I have created a nice lil’ friendship all though he’s on the other side of the planet. Is that not reason enough to feel abundantly grateful! What an amazing time we live in!

So the next time you see something really hot or arousing or fun or beautiful, say something about it. Lay your hands or lay your words on it and bless the Dickens out of it in your own unique way. Despite the crazy hard times we live in, we still have so much to be grateful for. Let’s create a snowball effect in a positive direction. Don’t be silent, celebrate it. That’s why I always put in my videos, “The more compliments you make, the more I bate!”

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Dr. Jallen Rix is a sexologist in Palm Springs California, and he hopes you’ll join him for the second BateWorld Cock Summit in 2017, September 15-17.