ORIGINALLY POSTED AT KINKLY.COM
If you ask any open-minded, educated person about masturbation, they will most likely smile and say it’s wonderful, healthy and normal. However, if you told them that masturbation was your favorite sexual outlet or even your only sexual outlet, that smiling face might turn into one of concern or confusion. Surely masturbation can’t be a substitute for sex, right?
A Short History on Masturbation
Masturbation can elicit anxiety. It has done so for centuries. In the early part of the 18th century in London, England, a physician of dubious repute wrote a tract for the grub-street press. It was about a supposed ill that needed to be addressed like never before – and with haste. Until that point, people of all types and ages engaged in masturbation. However, this doctor felt or a moral imperative to shed light on this “self abuse” before it introduced people to physiological and/or psychological harm (epilepsy! consumption! death!). Not fifty years later, this “new” disorder and its attendant ills were included in the finest encyclopedia of the day.
A Growing Subculture of Masturbation
Now, there is a growing subculture of men who are finding that masturbation is the best sex of their lives. These men might or might not also engage in traditional forms of sex, but the bind that links these men is an unabashed love of “bating.”
Generally speaking, these men are going way beyond the quick wank in the shower before work to let off some steam. They are making an art of it. They are masturbating until they enter what they would describe as the “batehole.” That is a place where the outside world melts away and sexual ecstasy takes over. They are meeting each other online on sites such as BateWorld.com or Chaturbate, where masturbating on cam is the focus.
The aforementioned sites are the nuclei of a world of men who speak their own lingo. Masturbators are “bators.” Their version of a man cave is the “masturbatorium,” and their weekends spent “bating” are “batecations.” These men bemoan moments of “Batus Interruptus” when the damn phone rings just as you are riding the “edge” of the “bate.” Edging means the gradual build up to the heights of ecstasy, getting close to orgasm, pulling back before sailing over the cliff, calming down, gradually building up to the edge of sexual bliss again, and finally “gooning.” Gooning is that point in the bate where men start to connect so deeply to the pleasure that their cocks and bodies are giving them that they enter a different state of consciousness.
On any site geared to masturbation, check out the videos of men “cockbabbling” which is a sort of speaking in tongues of the, “Oh my God, I love my cock. I’m a fuckin’ bator. I’m a fuckin’ chronic, addicted, compulsive bator!” variety. True, gooning is considered to be that moment during a bate when porn is no longer necessary, where the connection to penis is all that is required to reach an almost frightening height of sexual ecstasy. Then, the batehole, a sort of sexual abyss, is entered. Type in the words “Tumblr” and “goon” in your search engine and see the collections of the prototypical look on a gooner’s face: Tongue hanging out, face contorted…man becoming satyr.
The most remarkable, and perhaps unexpected, thing about this community is that its members have taken to referring to each other as brothers. They feel bonded in a shared, yet private, experience. Unlike on other hook-up sites, these men are not necessarily trying to get in each others’ pants. Rather, they are encouraging each other to get into their own pants.
Solosexual
Indeed, many men have begun to refer to themselves as “solosexual.” They define themselves as men who prefer masturbation over other sorts of sexual activity. However, the experience of masturbation can be paradoxically social. One bator described it to me as:
“Gooning is achieved through hours of porn and masturbation. It is an act that is almost, by definition, solitary. It is the domain of the solosexual. To share that experience with another seems almost a contradiction in terms; almost a contradiction in terms, but not quite. The heightened masturbatory experiences that men have achieved as solosexuals are largely possible because of the strange combination of privacy and sociality that the Internet permits. It is hard to imagine men masturbating daily for three, four or five hours at a stretch without online porn, cam, and chat to fuel their descent into the batehole. Solosexuals rely on online sociality to enrich their self-pleasure, which is to say that in some way, the solosexual’s act of solitary self-pleasure is always already sociable. Since solosexuality is sociable even as it is solitary, it is possible to achieve and to share something like mutual gooning: a fully self-absorbed uninhibited bate state in the presence of another in the same state.”
This adulation of all things solosexual flies in the face of common wisdom. We live in a world in which masturbation is seen as a substitute for partnered sex when we reach adulthood. It’s like a snack until the real meal comes along. In the centuries since the alarm bell about the so-called dangers of masturbation was sounded, the trickle effect from it still informs our discussion about masturbation, if we discuss it at all. The most recent print version of the Encyclopedia Americana (2006) had this to say under its entry on masturbation: “Masturbation may be a sign of an underlying psychological problem if an adult prefers it to sexual intercourse when a partner is available, or if it is abnormally frequent.”
“Hogwash” is how most bators would react to such a statement. Bators are not shy about discussing issues such as addiction to masturbation, but they also refuse to be considered abnormal. Just as some people will watch TV for hours at a time, some bators will bate for hours at a time. They will tell you that no episode of “Modern Family” ever got them to the heights of ecstasy that bating does.
Remember the days when homosexuality was considered abnormal here in the West? Solosexuals are again challenging what is normal sexuality for an adult. There is something in masturbation, in the notion that we can do ourselves better than anybody else, that appears to threaten some. For others, embracing masturbation means that a new conduit to the deepest recesses of self has been found. That our sexuality, whether partnered or solo, leads us all on a journey into self, as frightening and exhilarating as that might be.
In retrospect I have been solosexual all my life. I have been a loner all my years and loving myself into alternate consciousness is the most normal thing in the world for me. I love and cherish my cock for the pleasure it gives me. One of the reasons I sleep nude is so that awakening in the dark hours I can fondle my cock, with or without erection. I never masturbate in the shower; that isn’t what my man sex is meant for. It is meant to become an entry into myself ; self-hypnosis, if you will. The repeated slow and sweet build-up to an edge and back again makes the idea of a utilitarian jerk-off a real turn-off.
Mike! you nailed it! could have been me writing that; sleeping naked and waking up feeling your rod pulse in an instant after a few days edge? Unreal right? then a few hours later same thing NOTHING better
“Generally speaking, these men are going way beyond the quick wank in the shower before work to let off some steam. They are making an art of it.”
I especially like the “generally speaking”.
“Some people, however, make a right dog’s dinner of it.”
indeed, I agree entirely with Cy89, the new subculture of shared yet private masturbation we are being part of today clearly deviates from the quick wank in the shower, in fact, it seems to me, from personal experience, that it is in fact a big part of who we are. Enjoying a few hours a day or when possible, worshipping our body and making it an essential part of our routine is just so good and healthy. I see guys online, on discussion forums, saying they find it creepy to see a man sharing his private moments with the world…I think the idea that masturbation is sinful and shameful and needs to be kept private is so backwards, we’ve come a long way now, too late to return to Medieval times. Thoroughly enjoyed the reading the blog, which is new to me. Thanks BW. You always surprise me. PB
I think, the solosexual life style isn´t subculture. This is a new culture as a part of sexual culture of the modern society. There are more guys accepting and developing the solosexual lifestyle. We are a big group of people realizing our proud solosexuality through masturbation in any form: daily masturbation with ejaculation or cum denial, edging, gooning. We should be present in the world like gays.
I’ve been exploring self-pleasure as a fine art for 20 years now… I invented the term “Mindful Masturbation” and have hosted many websites on the subject, created 3 instructional DVDs write THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS and also have a more recent Erotic Engineering website, and have been part of Bateworld since Day One. So I’m thrilled to see this page here now. Self-Pleasure is the Final Erotic Taboo–still more so than being a gay male, which is increasingly accepted. Whoduhthunkit???
I love sex. I love getting fucked like no ones business… but chronic, prolonged masturbation is literally one of my life’s passions. I don’t think I could ever identify completely as solosexual, but i know the feeling all too well. When I’m hours deep into a gooning session, with no end in sight, there’s literally nowhere I would rather be. When the bate takes over, there’s no amount of sex that could take me away from my computer, cam, albolene, poppers, and weed. It’s what I do, it’s who I am.
Speaking of computers, I think we all know that the real reason that solosexuality and Bateworld exists is all because of the rise of the internet. I’m sure there have been men throughout history who have dedicated a portion of their lives to masturbating, but it wasn’t until the rise of the internet, particularly high-speed internet, that we were granted unlimited porn, vids, and webcamming sites and programs. And it’s that unlimited source of bate fuel that has wrangled guys like me away from pursuing sex, and placed me in a safe, relaxing environment to explore my sexuality.
The best thing about Bateworld is that it’s helped men remove the vail of shame that’s often associated with masturbation. No, it’s not a bad thing. It’s not “sad”, nor does it mean that any of us can’t get laid. I know I can, and I do, but there is literally nothing in this world more satisfying than riding that edge, and being able to share it with likeminded brothers.
I agree that the internet has hugely aided the growth of a celebratory male masturbation scene. The whole ‘shame’ thing is so ridiculous when 99.9% of males do it most of their lives – it’s natural, safe and so delightful! It’s excellent that it’s becoming more recognised as a totally valid form of sexual expression. Websites like ‘Chaturbate’ show how much guys like to wank with others and be seen wanking – OK, half of them are doing it for money but the other half simply for enjoyment. I only wish there were more physical j/o clubs around where these pleasures of display, watching and participating could be experience at ‘first hand’ – sadly there are none in my area. Also, is there some way a video chat could be set up connected with this site where guys could bate and watch one another on multiple cams? The only one I came across was on a thing called Mandate, where you could have 4 cams open at once, but theat seems to have gone dead these days!
Hi There! Thanks….go to bateworld.com for vid chat. We are allowed nothing graphic on this, our other site.
Anonymous
I was very pleased to see your response to my comments. I once wrote (in Tribes) of masturbation as love and I meant it. There are few men (and I am strictly homosexual) whom I would care to touch and literally love with my hands and mouth, so sweet and intimate is masturbation to me.
If you have any thoughts re. this please don’t hesitate to use my email address. Best wishes.
My experience and perspective on “masturbation” sex, and sexuality has evolved and developed over the years from the initial “beating off” of adolescence which felt good and seemed to release built-up tension, and then “learning how to have sex” with my partners which taught me to tune into and care about the experiences of another person and how to share that mutual “erotic” space with others and, finally, to an exponentially greater awareness/knowledge of, interest in, and experience of my own body, fantasies, spiritual/erotic nature, and expanded paradigm of how we, as men and as humans fit into, live, and express this level of experience we call “life.” I have come to see every human being as a manifestation of God and of His/Her plan and action of creating a “material”, incarnate expression of Him/Herself in so-called time and space. I have come to realize why there have been many Phallic Worship Cults from earliest times and why some still exist today. The Cock is the Creator-Re-creator of the man/body/species to which it is attached. It is the instrument of creation and is often, in itself, worshiped as a god in itself. The “reproductive” system literally produces, contains, and sends forth the seeds of the growth and continuation of mankind. Without it, human life, the species of “man” would end. That is why this object/organ itself, and its functions and power are revered, honored, and even worshiped. Masturbating ofr”bating” from that perspective heightens my experience of being brought into that Sacred Space where the union of God and man resides. To reside, float, and dwell in that space is a powerful, sacred, and special experience which I revere and treasure. What is called “porn”, when presented in a beautiful and non-degrading manner, I consider to be a service and “ministry” to people. It is a generous sharing of their endowment and ability to demonstrate and perform the beautiful and holy acts of responding to the call of Phallus via masturbation, sex with others, etc and may help others to let go of inhibitions, self-negation, shame, fear, judgment, etc. and provide permission to more fully accept and explore more deeply and fully their own sexual natures.