QUESTION: This friend and I are both straight, but we like to watch porn together. Of course, we both end up jacking off, only he looks at me a lot. I can tell he wants to touch me, and who knows? Maybe more. How can I tell him No?
RESPONSE: You may have to simply tell him what boundaries you are comfortable with, in a non-judgmental, clear way—just say it. Many guys these days who publicly identify as straight will admit they are interested in penises of their fellow human males. Some of them, like you and your buddy, are even open to masturbating together.
Of course, I am not really assuming anything about your sexuality, as you did not specify, but this is more a human male situation than it is something subject to a label. In reality, guys certainly do not fit into three neat categories such as: straight, bisexual, and gay. In fact, even the famous Kinsey scale, a sliding scale, of 1-to-6 does not necessarily account for the variations of male sexual preference and orientation. Everyone is more complex than this.
A lot of it can depend upon context. For example, you and your buddy are both masturbating to the same porn, so it is easy to see each other doing this, and to look at each other’s erections, whether you’re both naked, or shirt-cocking without anything below the waist, or fully dressed but with your flies open and penises out. Because your friend likes to look at yours may or may not mean he really wants to go farther with you.
Of course, you are never under any obligation to do anything such as to allow another guy to touch or stroke your penis, unless you are really open to the possibility that it might be fun and feel extremely good. The truth is, many of us are so accustomed tour own touch, though it can be an exciting idea at first, sometimes it’s not so easy to keep it up or to get off all the way to orgasm when another guy’s hand is playing with your penis.
If you do decide to go for this mutual option, you can ask him not to tell anyone about it, and say you are willing to try it, but not sure if you’ll want to repeat it. Also, if you go for it, it helps to tell him exactly what you like in terms of pressure, strokes, rhythms, even show him, or put your hand on his to guide him.
Should you wish to firmly draw the line and say, “No further contact,” maybe just mutual watching is okay, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Still, you could also be missing something wonderful that might feel incredibly good.
Mutual masturbation shared by guys can be a fantastic form of male bonding, and there’s no reason it has to lead to anything else, so long as you communicate honestly about what you want and what you like.
BRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.
Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at www.eroticengineering.com.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<
Reasonable advice for sure Bruce. Sounds to me as if they’ve already figured out their boundaries, watching porn and masturbating together. Which works for them and they both enjoy it. And I think if they were to go any further, that question will be easily answered with either a knowing glance or reach or just ask. Turning away or a simple no are all that are needed if theres no interest for mutual bating. Perhaps at some point there will be. And then minds & interests change and could be a no again.
Reminds me of a good, married neighbor friend who was always quite generous. And he offered to give my a really nice touring bicycle because he just wasn’t using it. And knew I would. I went with him to his law office to pick up the bike and he was showing me around and casually mentioned he wanted to show me something on his computer – yep porn clips. Ha. It only took him milliseconds to realize I was not interested. And don’t think I even said anything, body language is that powerful.
The circumstances just didn’t work for me.
I think the important thing to remember is that you’re friends, and if he does ask or hint at wanting to touch you, he no doubt means it in a friendly way. I would suggest putting the focus on letting him down in a _friendly_ way as well. Something like, “No thanks, man. I know a lot of guys would enjoy that, but for me it has to be a woman.” Be prepared for him to be embarrassed. If the moment turns awkward, you might follow up with, “I don’t mind you asking, though,” and then start a new conversation. It will help if you’re ready to talk about something else that you both enjoy. He may also ask more than once, so you might want to think of a few different ways to say no warmly. “I wish I could get into that, bro, but man hands sooo don’t do it for me.” “I hate to disappoint you, buddy, but my guy is strictly vaginatarian.” Etc.