QUESTION: I cum way too easily, way too quickly. It’s what I guess you call “premature ejaculation,” because I cum long before I really want to. I want the pleasure to last and last, but I just get too excited… even if I take my hands off my cock, I almost always cum way too fast. HELP ME!
RESPONSE: My work in encouraging excellence in male masturbation began because I experienced something similar. When I was younger, in my 20’s and 30’s, I could never make it last as long as I wanted. I wanted to be able to stay in the state of intense erotic ecstasy for prolonged, indefinite periods of timeless bliss. In 1995, I finally learned how to do this by re-training myself to masturbate in quite a different way.
I don’t like the word control for this, it’s about making ejaculation a choice, instead of something that just happens when you lose control; you accept 100% responsibility by paying close attention to how near the edge you really are.
I’ve said this plenty of times before, but the first key to learning to make ejaculation a choice, is to practice deep belly-breathing, not just tens upper-chest breathing: deep and continuous abdominal breathing without pausing between inhales or exhales. Keep breathing! This helps you to stay relaxed, and may produce mild hyperventilation, which is okay, so long as you don’t push it too far. Understand: erection is part of the relaxation response of your nervous system.
Focus on what you want, more pleasure, not on what you don’t want, or you may actually get that instead. Focus not on avoiding ejaculation, but on sustaining your pleasure.
“Even if I take my hands off my cock, I almost always cum way too fast.” This is an important point; it happens because all erotic stimulation is actually registering in your mind through your brain. Your mind and brain may continue to intensify the sensations as you are thinking of the pleasure you are feeling, maybe you’re fantasizing, even after you’ve stopped touching your erection. So that mental and emotional rush to the finish line pushes you over the edge.
Whatever other means of slowing down, breathing, varying strokes, varying positions you try, also pay full attention, pay very close attention to how close to ejaculation you are. Imagine a scale of 1-to-10. 1 is flaccid penis, no stimulation, 4 or 5 is fully erect, feeling great and slightly more than half way to ejaculation. 9 is called “ejaculatory inevitability,” meaning nothing can stop you from going over the edge. Until you grow really skilled, 7+ or around 8 is as high as you ought to go. With practice, you can hover at 8.999 indefinitely. But this is a skill you learn, with training.
There are other ways to spread the pleasure through your whole body, to keep from just focusing on your penis. Stroke down your thighs and up your belly with the other hand while you caress your penis. Do slow knee-bends while you masturbate. Maybe porn and fantasy easily make it too intense for you, so try practicing without those, or at least not the whole time.
And never, NEVER feel bad if you actually ejaculate while you’re trying to learn not to shoot so often. That’s not a failure, it means you are practicing!
You will get there!
BRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.
Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels
The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at www.eroticengineering.com.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<
I do not know this questioners age nor masturbation experience but I do agree with Bruce that practice is a must here. I like the idea of a 1-10 scale approaching orgasm and ejaculaltion. The key to edging is to constantly approach that 8.999 or whatever your individual threshold is and not pass it until you are ready to climax. Practice and experience will lead you to that magic number. Once you know your limit than you can edge limitlessly. I find edging to be extremely fulfilling on those days I don’t want to cum, for various reasons, and heightens my orgasm on the days I do. As Bruce suggests, if you fail so what, half the fun is getting there.
Yes, good points! And thanks to apalmer5 and always, too for feedback. Definitely to overcome “premature ejaculation” is work, but its own reward. That issue is not a failure, it just means you would much prefer to enjoy a lot more pleasure before it ends. Anyone working on this: More power to you!!! You’ll get there… — BPG
I agree, it’s something the bator can practice and improve on. I’ve skyped/coached bators who “oopsied” and came very early on in the session. Often catching us both quite by surprise. And for them our chat & sounds of our moans and groans and steady fap sounds are just too overwhelming for them. And kaboom, they’re done. Pleasured perhaps but done.
I masturbate daily & cum and of course edge and cum when I’m good and ready to finish. Edging is a learned skill I suppose. And for premature ejaculators they just need to rewire themselves. Perhaps totally stopping and doing something else when they begin to get the slightest”stirring” downthere. Stop. Wash a window. Do some pushups. And then resume their bate. Stop,
Maybe the bator will report back on his reworking his bates & his successes.