The same things don’t work for every man, and though the basic essence of what male masturbation is about is something truly universal to most men, everyone is also individual.

QUESTION:

Now, what I do is always your kind of Mindful Masturbation! Don’t know why lots of guys still beat off all the time to porn, and huff poppers a lot, and keep racing to the finish-line like it’s the whole point. Why don’t all guys do Mindful Masturbation?

RESPONSE:

I love your question, Brother! It made me really pause to consider carefully. I realized that though I totally believe in what I teach guys, and for years I’ve seen how it does wonders for so many men who are willing to try it out, I really don’t have the ambition to convert all guys to doing it my way.

The same things don’t work for every man, and though the basic essence of what male masturbation is about is something truly universal to most men, everyone is also individual. Yes, I’ve seen many hundreds, maybe even thousands of men transform their masturbation from a fairly routine habit to something remarkably rewarding, via Mindful Masturbation practice. Still, there are many roads to Rome, as the saying goes, or a thousand ways to kiss the ground! 

Let me make clear: I’m not opposed to using porn; not opposed to poppers; not opposed to a focus on ejaculation. At the same time, if you wish to really develop your somewhat predictable or mundane habit of masturbation into a serious exploration of what is erotically possible for you, those habits should be questioned.

Porn can certainly be wonderful as fuel for arousal, but it can also become something tediously vicarious, and can even desensitize your ability to get off on just your own body, and to fully enjoy your own immediate sensations. It may be tough for your self-esteem in ways you are not consciously aware of. You may be longing for scenarios that are seldom available to you; you may be hungry to achieve a certain kind of appearance that may simply not be possible for you. Porn models often set unrealistic standards for most men’s actual appearance. Quite frankly, most porn models I’ve seen may look great, but most often they are not really erotic adepts, not the greatest sexual role models!

I suggest it’s good to set aside at least part of your practice to experience without porn. Similarly, though poppers are legal and not considered harmful, I personally know people who became so obsessed with huffing that they could not get off at all without poppers. I know people who feel their relationship with a partner was ruined by over-using poppers. Maybe some moderation on this score is wise.

I’ve often written about the value of not ejaculating so often, even learning to edge or retain semen for longer and longer intervals. This is something like keeping a vintage wine in your cellar, as you allow its character to develop over time, or aging a cheese until it becomes an exquisite treat. As wise men sometimes say, “Ejaculation is not the goal of pleasure, it is the end of it—at least for a while.” Personally, I prefer to cultivate my pleasure indefinitely!

But there is also the saying, “If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it!” So for the man content with his masturbatory enjoyment just as it is, I say, “More power to you, Brother!”

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.