“You’re a virgin who just masturbates”

(Yes, that is a play on the famous line from Clueless by our beloved Brittany Murphy. RIP.)

QUESTION:

I know what really turns me on, so I know I’m gay. I’m still a virgin, even though I’m in my late twenties, and all I want is to masturbate. The few times I’ve told someone I was a virgin they thought I was weird. Porn bores me, though I do like to bate on cam with guys quite often. I’m a happy person! Do you think I need to lose my virginity? 

RESPONSE:

If your definition of being a virgin is never having had sexual contact with someone physically and in person, then believe me, you are not alone. Your basic situation is not as uncommon as you might imagine. Sure, it’s easy to assume in our highly sexualized cultures (at least in the Western World) that most young people will “lose their cherry” during their teens or soon after, this is far from a universal fact!

The fact you love to masturbate is not necessarily a replacement for another kind of sexual relationship, rather it is just a healthy alternative—an intense erotic relationship with yourself!

Some other people may never comprehend your current preference, which may or may not change in times to come. Still, the opinions of others are not something that you should ever base your opinion of yourself upon. This does not mean you need to be completely oblivious to the opinions of others. Sometimes it does help to know what others think or feel. At the same time, even if they have expressed opinions, never judge yourself based on those opinions.

The fact you love to masturbate is not necessarily a replacement for another kind of sexual relationship, rather it is just a healthy alternative—an intense erotic relationship with yourself!

I consider masturbating over video cam with other guys to be a marvelous, life-enhancing experience. It’s a genuine part of what I call “Phallic Brotherhood,” which is basically the fact that as human males we love our penises, and we love masturbation, and we admire the penises of other men. We may even choose to masturbate with other men, online or in person, to encourage each other and support one another on the path of pure penis pleasure.

Unless you seriously feel a need for human contact with someone else in a sexual way, don’t rush to make it happen. Many times, an initial sexual encounter is quite arbitrary, and can even prove traumatic, or disappointing. If possible, take your time and consider getting to know someone before you take this leap.

The most valuable gift you can give yourself is to be true to yourself. Seek to know who you are from within yourself, from whatever you can discern of your authentic being. You sound well-adjusted and sensible. 

Enjoy your virginity while it lasts. And regardless of whatever else happens, keep enjoying masturbation for the rest of your life!

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.