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Ask The Batemaster: Caught Masturbating With A Peach…By My Dad

QUESTION: In the kitchen, I did that thing with a ripe peach that I saw a young dude do in a movie. It really worked, only my father tapped me on the shoulder from behind just as I was coming inside that juicy piece of fruit. He only grinned and said, “Be sure to clean up the mess, Junior.” See, I moved back home after school, because my job is fast food at night and both my folks work. Usually I’m home alone afternoons, but dad came home on a break from his job. I’m so embarrassed, I might have to move out! Help!