QUESTION:
I have this close friend, and we’re bate buddies now too. In public, he’ll give me a nice “Bro” hug when we meet or part. But even in private, he’ll never kiss; he says it’s too “gay,” but when we’re stroking each other’s dicks, he does. Then, he can hardly get enough, like he’s hungry, tongue and all! As soon as we come, that’s over. What gives with this weirdness?
RESPONSE:
Human beings are complicated, and most of us are filled with specific, sometimes odd beliefs, contradictions, and concerns over what other people think of us. Your buddy seems to draw certain lines in the sand about public and private behavior in your presence as well. I suspect that he likes to kiss you only during intense mutual masturbation because it merges into the passionate and intense pleasure of that experience and may increase it.
You have good reason to, as I advise some guys with bate buddies that have a quirk—count your blessings! You cannot determine for him what public behaviors he is comfortable with, though it’s possible that you can ask him about that in private. It might be that he doesn’t want your friendship viewed by others as romantic, and it sounds like he may not want you to view it that way either, even in private.
A strong friendship often proves more rewarding than a difficult or challenging intimate relationship. But like an intimate relationship, any friendship takes some work all along the way, even when it seems and feels very familiar!
Consider simply being grateful for your friend. Appreciate your friendship as deeply as possible. Savor those intervals during your mutual masturbation sessions when he avidly and deeply kisses you. One concept of spiritual wisdom that is always worth considering in any kind of human relationship is the principle of “non-interference.” So easily, we slip into wanting to change someone, thinking that we might improve them or the situation.
Experience teaches that what we do not do can be as important as what we do, or even more important! Strong beliefs that kissing is either quick pecks within a family or more lingering contact with romantic partners are strong conditioning. Part of what you experience is how this intersects with homophobia and internalized homophobia.
Even if there are aspects of your friendship as it gets enacted in public and in private that you might wish to change, be aware that you have something truly fantastic going on as things are. Many men who read this might envy you. Kissing during mutual masturbation is fantastic!
Please make sure that your friend knows that you appreciate him and your friendship with him exactly as things stand presently. You never know where it might go from here, but don’t miss things as they are by thinking of how things might be!
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at BateWorld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
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