“She looked shocked, and he looked afraid and vanished. He messaged me that it’s his wife. He can’t do it ever again.”

QUESTION:

For several months, I’ve had this incredible online bate buddy. We went for it almost every weekday. Then, one morning he was caught masturbating; the door behind him opened and this woman came in. She looked shocked, and he looked afraid and vanished. He messaged me that it’s his wife. He can’t do it ever again. She came back home from her job for something she forgot. Is there any way to salvage this? Or should I just back off?

RESPONSE:

It’s wisest to take care never to interfere in anyone’s relationships with others. In this case, clearly, you did not know the man was married, if that is truly the situation. Regardless of what may be going on at his end, no doubt your feeling is bittersweet, as you called him “incredible.” He probably valued it plenty too, as he was evidently doing it with you online, despite the danger of the woman finding out.

Regardless, you need to respect the life and situation he already has going on and abide by what he said. Understandably, you are disappointed, as a special connection like this can be tricky to find and establish. In our online interactions with other people, most of what is going on at the other end we really do not know about. We may see and hear certain elements of those realities, but these are limited. In words, we often portray how we wish things were.

It’s important not to take things personally when there is so much that is unknown. Also, it helps to learn from experience. Maybe the next time you discover someone and make a new online bate buddy, you might take a real interest in them as more than an online bate buddy, and without overdoing the “interview” aspect, you might communicate more. Show some genuine interest in his situation.

One thing you often encounter is conditioning that creates an aura of secrecy due to the common varieties of shame and guilt associated with masturbation. If this kind of fearful reaction gets triggered too easily, maybe the guy is not such a great bet after all!

Don’t seek to directly “replace” the buddy who bailed on you. But also do your best to understand that, from his viewpoint, his actual real-time relationship needs to have priority over anything online.

This kind of “walking in someone else’s shoes” may help you accept the situation and move on. Keep looking with confidence in your own value as such a buddy, something confirmed by how long that other fellow continued to share with you. He did this despite the fact he could get discovered and maybe pay consequences you will never know.

Let go of him. Learn from the experience. Look forward, and maybe something even better will come along for you.

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at BateWorld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.