QUESTION:
Something I totally agree with you on, Bruce, is something a lot of BW members might not. Online porn is not truly the best way to fly high in the bate for me. You taught me to focus mindfully on myself. Sometimes I read erotic literature, your books or even look at antique images like Greek satyrs masturbating. Can we convince others this is better?
RESPONSE:
Thank you for bringing this up, Brother, and we seem to agree on what works best for us. It might not work so well for every other guy out there, but I suspect many guys will have similar feelings if they try, or at least consider it.
Since around the late 1990s and early 2000s, Internet porn has become easily and widely available. An entire generation has come of age and grown up with this accessible porn, and many men no longer question that this is the only way to masturbate. Many men now equate masturbation with looking at online porn.
This is not wrong or bad, but as you are aware, it can keep fueling your arousal, but also limit how extremely deep and extremely high it is possible to go into pure penis pleasure.
Until a man is willing to try the major alternative of simply focusing upon yourself—your own body, your own penis, your own immediate sensations—this may sound improbable. To try this without porn or fantasy can be a challenge, at first. A similar challenge is for men to grasp that ejaculation and orgasm are not one and the same experience. Many guys first experience ejaculation and orgasm together during our teens, and thus continue to always experience them together.
In truth, you can ejaculate without having a full orgasm, and when you learn to have dry orgasms or full-body orgasms without ejaculating, you can train yourself to keep your erection and continue to masturbate indefinitely. You may also be able to experience a series of multiple male orgasms in a relatively short time or enjoy prolonged continuous orgasmic states.
All these possibilities are only likely to become possible if you are willing to explore options to what you may have commonly experienced.
For me, the problems with pornography are several. It’s vicarious, reliant upon an external source of stimulating imagery of things that in most cases are not happening now, not actually happening to you. One of the further issues is self-esteem. It can be tricky to avoid comparing your body and appearance with porn models you consider extremely attractive.
Even further, the click/click/click availability of these images may help to keep your attention span very short. There is nothing morally wrong with porn, but unless you are willing to push beyond your comfort zone and beyond acquired beliefs, you may never know what you could be missing!
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at BateWorld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
Bruce,
I respect your work in the field of masturbation just as I respect that of people like Betty Dodson and Dr. Ruth. That said, I have to confess/share the significance of visual adult media, as it influenced my formative years as a masturbator. Notably, I made a very abrupt shift from tame 60’s Playboy centerfolds to expensive hardcore magazines and it was just mind-blowing in terms of arousal factor. Instead of just t&a, I was able to view (and masturbate to) mature models spreading, fucking, sucking, etc. I always enjoyed the beauty of the human body, even in vintage nudist magazines. But masturbation was not just about me, it was about looking at other people who were also enjoying themselves sexually. There’s no way I can see that as “limiting” when it comes to my masturbation. Can I, do I masturbate without porn? Yes. But porn is my preference. It’s a personal preference like any other aspect of sex/masturbation. And as such, not “wrong.” We’ve long ago established that – except for degradation, pain-causing, blood-letting, and just plain unhygienic activity – there is no “right or wrong” when it comes to sex/masturbation. Let us all masturbate and express ourselves in an aura of freedom and liberation. And pride.
I appreciate that there are wonderful worlds outside of porn-ejaculation, but porn watching has a major social benefit for the large population of “shy masturbators”. Just as men and women bond watching sports or movies together (Netflix ‘n chill), many of us have had our first experience of masturbating with another guy while our eyes and conversation were focused on a screen. At the very least it’s an ice-breaker, and our response and appreciation of porn can be a major avenue for sexual exploration. Plus, I’ve had amazing shared orgasms while sharing porn.