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Ask The Batemaster: Bating Under The Batemas Tree

Batemas tree bate 2 - ATBM - TBB

QUESTION:

I visited my folks last year for the holidays. After midnight, with everyone else in bed, I masturbated by the Batemas tree in the rainbow-colored lights. This year, I want to do it again. Thoughts?

RESPONSE:

This is a great image for the holiday season! Of course, you need to do your best not to get caught in the act—literally. I know nothing about your family, much less specifically your parents. What you did and want to do again may gain some extra thrill from the chance of getting caught.

It is best to minimize your chances of getting caught by making sure that your parents and anyone else in the house (if there is anyone else!) have gone to bed before you consider doing it. Even check if their doors are closed. Many people sleep with closed doors, but not everyone. Also, and you’ve probably figured this out and factored it in, it’s best not to undress any further than to open your fly and “let your freak flag fly.”

Anyway, the whole enterprise feels quite charming to me. It combines the human honesty of how much we men love to play with our penises with nostalgia. Even somewhat corny notion of multi-colored Xmas tree lights. Of course, it’s also a good idea to try not to make much noise, even though I normally encourage men to vocalize their pleasure.

Batemas tree bate - ATBM - TBB

In this case, you will not have genuine privacy. You will be in the home of your parents and perhaps others who live there or who are also visiting. You do not want to cause major embarrassment and awkwardness during a warm-hearted seasonal get-together. The truth is, too, that many times people are not so happy collecting together with family during the holidays.

What you did and want to repeat this year is not at all what I would consider “twisted,” not by any measure. This seems like a great individual celebration of yourself, so long as you can get away with it without upsetting anyone else. In truth, I even consider the Xmas tree itself a kind of phallic symbol from its pagan origins as an image of the World Tree.

You may be enjoying a kind of holiday tradition that others have already enjoyed at times for years. Who knows?

Regardless, Happy Holidays and Merry Batemas!

 

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at BateWorld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.


View all posts by The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.

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4 Comments

  1. I guess to each his own and I am not judgmental of most things people like to do but for me personally I have zero desire to masturbate under or by my Christmas Tree or anyone else’s Christmas Tree. I don’t see any point to it and I would not want to disrespect other family members even if they knew nothing of it. I would not even want to disrespect my wonderful memories of Christmases past by doing that. I can see myself masturbating in front of a warm fire on a cozy blanket on the couch or floor but not by the Christmas Tree. Don’t get me wrong, I love to masturbate but there are so many better places to do it but the Christmas Tree is not one of them. Again, I am speaking only for me and if it is what you like, go for it. But that being said I would reserve that for my own tree and definitely not someone else’s tree, family member or not.

  2. If you were able to do it last year then why not this year? My goodness, it’s 2023, if you get caught you get caught, who doesn’t masturbate? I say get bare assed naked, spread those legs wide, and edge until you can’t hold your cum anymore, and then just let that jizz fly all and spread your xxxmas cheer all over the tree! What’s a merry xxxmas without some snow? I say Go for it !!

  3. I say go for it. Your not hurting anything, you’ve probably already left some seed in the bathroom shower, why not another room in the house. I’d make sure I was quiet and not wake anyone, have a cum rag handy and just unzip the fly. If I had a close relationship with a brother, who knows, maybe he’s already been doing it too, go ahead and invite him. Christmas cums but once a year…..and so should you…under the tree.