Ask The Batemaster: Too Self-Conscious To Cam

A certain generosity of spirit, acceptance of the variety of imperfections most of us can find in our own appearance, can go a long way.

QUESTION: Maybe I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself, but with age (I’m now 56) it seems that looking at all the hot, buff guys online who masturbate and have sex makes me feel unattractive. I’ve lost most of my hair up top and gotten a bit “fluffy” around the middle. Some of my pix on Bateworld are a few years old, so now I feel unwilling to cam. Should I just get over this and just have fun? Or do I need to work on my appearance?

RESPONSE: Your basic situation is a lot more common than you may imagine. The majority of men do not look like handsome porn models or gym bunnies, and some heavy guys, and far older guys than you, simply go ahead and share themselves—let the chips fall where they may. In truth, it is a rather unpleasant reality that some men are totally hung up on appearance; that doesn’t mean they are bad people, at all. However, a certain generosity of spirit, acceptance of the variety of imperfections most of us can find in our own appearance, can go a long way.

No matter what you look like, you most often have little idea of how others actually see you. In the “real” world, you also find that many men are interested in the kind of person you are, interested in your attitude, and no one can possibly live up to most people’s ideals for male appearance. Regardless of your appearance, there are no doubt plenty of men out in the world of male masturbators both online and off, who would give you a chance. They may appreciate your total enthusiasm for masturbation and return to you similar appreciation if you express appreciation to them.

The world of online masturbators can seem like a meat market, with ego-price tags that require you to live up to someone’s expectation. If you expose yourself as you actually appear now to a wider audience, you might get some mixed reactions. But the extent to which this bothers you will also grow out of how you truly feel about yourself.

At present, your self-esteem seems shaky. Understandably you feel vulnerable, but it is always a mistake to compare yourself with others—especially in the ambiguous world of appearance. I mean. How accurately does anyone really see themselves? Many men that you might encounter as potential camming buddies are probably just as uncertain as you are about whether or not they look desirable. You should only seek masturbation on cam without certain expectations. Let it be an adventure with uncertain outcomes.

It may help to toughen yourself up in your own mind ahead of time. I often suggest the “Love Yourself” mirror exercise of staring into your own eyes, and telling yourself by name, over and over again how much you love you. Say: “I really, really love you!” This can seem forced, or like acting at first. But reinforce this feeling.

Only you can decide if it’s worth remaining in your prison of poor self-esteem. To judge yourself harshly only makes you less attractive; to generously love yourself has quite the opposite effect!

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.