QUESTION: We’re a happy couple: I’m 41 and my partner is 37. We’re not married, but we love each other a lot. Both of us adore the bate as much as anything, except maybe oral 69 between us two. We’ve been together 12 years and now branch out to bate with other guys, but my BF sometimes seems to feel left out. I see it in his beautiful eyes! What should I do?
RESPONSE: Your situation sounds great in a lot of ways, probably the envy of quite a few men! However, you might want to back off a bit just temporarily from pursuing the group bate with other men until you’ve communicated thoroughly on the subject with your partner. Just possibly he may have agreed to share the bate with other guys at least in part because he knows you really want to share that way.
Possibly your partner really wants to also, but he may not be quite as ready as you are for the actual experience. The fact that he’s a few years younger than you are, and possibly not quite as experienced and confident as you are sexually, could play a role. Rather, he may actually be more experienced in some ways, and may feel that your relationship is somewhat compromised by this, even if not actually threatened. Such emotions are not totally subject to reason.
In such a situation, a loved one, partner, spouse, or husband may find it difficult to be totally honest when they are concerned with pleasing you—or even possibly concerned that if he does not agree, that in itself could be hard on your partnership. My suggestion is that you tread carefully and consider holding off for now. As I suggested, take the time and make the effort to communicate honestly with your partner.
Some male couples feel secure enough, some communicate honestly enough to know that they have no secrets from each other, and their love for each other is mature enough that neither one feels threatened when they choose to “play” with other guys. At twelve years together, you guys may have reached this point, or almost, or not; some couples may never reach that point. However, because you really love each other, it’s worthwhile to be surer than you sound about this before you proceed.
I’ve observed that genuinely loving couples are relatively rare, even in the gay world where it takes more of some kinds of effort, and yet may seem easier in other ways to relate to an individual of your own sex. Such secure love seems even rarer in the heterosexual realm. My opinion on this may seem radical to some, but I observe that to understand the erotic and psychological needs of a partner of your own sex is more natural, than to comprehend and harmonize with your biological opposite.
Regardless of the sex or sexuality of a partner, if the relationship feels especially good, it’s worth taking care not to mess things up. Very possibly, your partner mainly needs to know how much you truly love him. Tell him that you are willing to back off from masturbating with other men, together or separately (you did not specify) unless you can feel sure that it will not endanger the special relationship between you two.
Tell him exactly what you said here, that you feel you can see it in his beautiful eyes that he may not feel so certain about this. Then hug him, hold him tight for a while and kiss him plenty. Such 3-way or group play works well for some male couples who can enjoy masturbating with men as a soft of “different category” from other intimacy. And it does not work for other couples.
I would err on the side of caution, take your time, and think of his needs before your own.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
