Masturbation is not only sex; it is actually the original form of sex.
QUESTION: When I heard some people say, “Masturbation is not sex,” I thought: “Wrong!” In fact, I have to say, for a few years I had all sorts of sex with boyfriends, even some girlfriends. It could be great, but not nearly as good as now that I’m really solo! I prefer this. This feels better than it ever did with other people. I am a proud bator! Am I strange this way, Bruce?
RESPONSE: You’re not strange at all! Whether you choose to call yourself “solosexual” or not, your attitude pretty much lines up with that term. What you describe is something that I can personally relate to also, Brother, even though my attitude is not 100% the same as yours.
What you say makes sense because with masturbation, you do not need to depend upon the cooperation of anyone else to experience as much erotic ecstasy as you can possibly want. You can have the highest quality, and for intervals as long as you wish. It puts you completely in control, as no kind of partnered sex actually does. Partnered sex certainly has its own charms and delights, but almost inevitably it involves some degree of ego games, interpersonal drama, trying to prove something, to control or be controlled. A kind of negotiation is almost inevitable, a kind of giving and taking that is not bad, but quite different from solo masturbation.
Solo masturbation, pursued as a preference the way you describe it, not only gives you complete responsibility for how much pleasure you enjoy and how intensely you can enjoy it, also the benefits in terms of your personal growth can be tremendous. This kind of practice offers you increasing confidence, self-reliance, self-awareness, and a different perspective on the needs and desires of others.
When you disentangle yourself from the emotional, mental and physical dramas that are almost inevitable in partnered sexual experience—at least temporarily—you have an opportunity to see other people and yourself more clearly.
Masturbation is not only sex; it is actually the original form of sex. Sonograms show baby boys masturbating and frequently sporting erections well before birth! Quite often, a young boy is discouraged from holding his penis and playing with it when in the company of others, which can cause many males some life-long inhibition and uncertainty about their sexuality. Guys are not likely to remember this early training, but the fallout can last a lifetime.
You have either escaped that kind of unfortunate early conditioning, or perhaps simply reversed any such conditioning by your full embrace of masturbation as an adult male. While I would not go so far as to say masturbation is always better than other forms of sex, it is certainly at least as good and can be more rewarding. Masturbation has special virtues unlike any other form of physical pleasure.
More power to you, Brother!
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
Masturbation isn’t just normal, it’s extraordinary. Societal acceptance around solosexuals still has a long way to go, but in the meantime it won’t stop us having long, lovely sex our way. We should not pathologise ourselves, or think ourselves weird. We’re talking about the “original sex” as Brother Bruce mentions, but also important to note it is the main sexual outlet for the human race. There’s more masturbation in this world than partnered sex, so why do we shy away from that, focus and obsess so much over partnered sex, instead of promoting a healthy solosexuality in all people?
So many good points covered here. I’ve been masturbating since I was about 12 and had my first partnered sexual experience when I was in my 20’s. And was so exciting to “be there” exploring and finding my way around. Of course I’m sure she could tell right away she was my first or least that I was a total beginner.
I soon discovered my first problem with partnered sex, for some reason I stayed a softy. OMG. And my friend Beatrice was like other women I’d gone out with – they just didn’t seem to know what to do with a floppy cock. Nor was I brave enough to ever just chat about it or suggest “hey let’s masturbate, ” or just do the simple thing I grab my cock and do it myself while they watch and/or I pleasure them in other ways.
So yes there are indeed emotional, mental physical dramas to deal with partnered sex. For some reason I’d get perfectly erect for my bates, no problem. The strangest thing happens if I’m with a gal and about to get sex. I’m just total, floppy softy. And I end up having to masturbate afterwards by myself.
I did have 1 gal who knew what to do, she was on top of me and slipped her pussy lips over my cock and rode me until I came And omg it was beautiful… having sex and being able to share it with someone like that. Years later I did have some cyber gal friends that I did masturbate with and it was really nice to share our sexual pleasures that way too.
Of course I realized at some point that I was just going to be a masturbator and to fully embrace it. Here I am at 66 still doing it.
Well said! I am a gay man and have had the same thing happen to me. Glad to know I am not alone. I have fully embraced my bate and no longer worry if I get soft during play with another guy. I take care of me and “show” how bating can be most pleasurable.
After years of marriage and satisfactory heterosexual sex I finally admitted to myself that I actually preferred masturbation over sex with my wife so I was relieved when she gave up sex completely and I no longer had to try to “perform” for her and could just relax and enjoy edging my little penis.
Of course it is sex! Now, I didn’t fully recognize this until I was approaching 40, despite being an avid and dedicated masturbator since my teens. While I did experience frequent and amazing pleasure prior to recognizing masturbation as sex – not a junior version of it, it wasn’t until I mentally allowed myself to enjoy it as sex and not discount it in any way, that I truly took my self-love to another level.
It’s ironic, despite all the techniques and skills I had developed including the ability to have edging as long as desired and multiple orgasms, my journey took a profound leap forward once I embraced self-love as sex. It is also what eventually allowed me to transition into a solosexual lifestyle and be at peace about it.
I’ve always thought masturbation was the most basic and fundamental form of sex and nowadays it is my preferred (only) type of sex. I have had numerous relationships with women and have had hetero sex thousands of times and some of it has been fabulous, but when the relationships didn’t work out (and none ever did), I began to realize that I didn’t need all the drama and I’ve always loved masturbation and porn so jus decided to immerse myself in being solo sexual. So far, it’s been great. I’ve never felt so free. I have admitted to myself that I am a masturbator and I do it several times a day. The only way I’d have another relationship with a woman is if she was mainly into masturbation herself. And we’d do the mutual thing, which is very very hot, as I’ve been lucky to experience that but never with a partner who wanted to mainly masturbate. I think intercourse is over-rated.