QUESTION: I’ve been widowed for many years, and now I have family in my home for the holidays. I was up to pee one night and happened to notice my college-age grandson with his door cracked open, masturbating. This was glorious to behold, but then he noticed me watching and looked at me, shocked and he blushed. “Carry on,” I said, “Happy Holidays!” Then I quietly closed his door for him to have privacy. Was that the right thing to do?
RESPONSE: In my opinion, that young man is very fortunate to have a grandfather like you! This is the kind of scenario that I don’t know if Bateworld will agree to publish my column about, but I think the way you handled it was wonderful. Though your grandson may have been startled, you did not reinforce any guilt or shame for him. Also, you respected his privacy by closing the door after you blessed him.
Bateworld tends to consult their lawyers when I deal with anything related to incest, “family matters” or scenarios that include underage individuals. However, in this case, I detect no actual incestuous activity or intention, no underage involvement, in truth nothing improper at all! The fact that you found your masturbating college-age grandson “glorious to behold” neither surprises me, nor does it seem in the least bit wrong.
Your kindly encouragement and greeting seems like about the best way you could possibly have handled a situation, which could have proven most embarrassing, if not traumatic for the young man. You did your best to reassure him that you did not disapprove—on the contrary. The only inter-generational aspect means you acted with a kind of natural authority he probably respects. Many parents still feel especially awkward about the sexuality of their children, just as children do about the sexuality of parents.
Such awkwardness comes mainly from cultural conditioning and also ignorance, which may often be the result of poor sex education in schools. In today’s world, many young people—and to be frank, older people as well—get much or all of their sex education from the Internet. What they hear from friends may not be reliable.
Even the Internet provides a lot of misinformation along with some good sources. Unfortunately, online porn often provides mainly mechanical performances and predictable scripts without much in the way of the psychological and emotional aspects of sexuality. The mind and heart are crucial to quality erotic experience.
If you do end up discussing masturbation with your grandson, which is really the best thing parents or grandparents can do for younger people, what matters is to make sure he knows you fully approve of masturbation. Assure him that you consider the practice not only healthy and natural, but beneficial. From the tone of your question, I suspect you can be trusted to know what to say to him.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
Well done