Ask The Batemaster: Ejaculating With A Soft Erection

I will come quickly before I even get hard! Is that normal?

QUESTION: Sometimes when I am in a sexually tense and very stimulating situation, like hanging out on the nude beach all afternoon, or seeing guys jerk off in a MENS room, I will come quickly before I even get hard! Is that normal?

RESPONSE: There is nothing abnormal about what you describe. It happens because the majority of erotic stimulation actually goes on in the brain. Even when you are not actively masturbating, or having your genitals stimulated, you may be mentally and emotionally highly aroused, which builds up an intense charge. This is perfectly normal, though it can end up being less fulfilling than spending time actually stimulating your penis, and then surrendering to a full-blown ejaculatory orgasm.

This could also be related to premature ejaculation, in which a man is so overly-sensitive to erotic stimulus that he cannot enjoy genital stimulation for long enough to feel really satisfied before he reaches orgasm. Your situation sounds like something else, which is prolonged mental and emotional stimulus with arousing input—those naked men you were observing, and the restroom masturbators—which provides a very exciting and somewhat tense spectacle of voyeurism, revelation, male nudity, exhibitionism and phallic display.

Because we learn by experience to associate orgasm with ejaculation, usually as maturing boys in our teens, we easily come to believe they are one and the same thing. They are not. In truth, we human males are wondrously complex, sometimes contradictory creatures, often with fantastic possibilities beyond our common experience.

You can definitely ejaculate without an erection, as you’ve experienced; you can also orgasm without ejaculation, or experience what guys call “dry orgasms,” which can allow you to continue to masturbate indefinitely without interruption. You can even have an ejaculation without really having an orgasm, which sometimes happens when your genitals are extremely stimulated, but you are not really mentally or emotionally engaged.

What you describe in your question is a cumulative charge, something like the rechargeable lithium batteries that many of our devices now use. When it reaches a certain threshold, the amber light turns green, or the recharge light goes off. So long as you are not stuck in this pattern of coming quickly without getting hard, just chalk it up to one more variety of erotic experience.

If you’re not satisfied with that, try something very different, like watching yourself in a mirror while you masturbate, take photos and make videos of yourself masturbating, then look at those while you masturbate.

Return your erotic focus to yourself, for a while, and admire your own penis, observe yourself masturbating, to see if you can get off on just that and also enjoy your erection.

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BRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.

Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at www.eroticengineering.com.

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A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.