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Ask The Batemaster: Brotherly Issues

QUESTION: My brother and I grew up sharing a bedroom. We used to both jerk-off in the dark, under the covers, which was exciting, but we never really saw each other do it. Now that we’re a bit older—he’s divorced and I’m gay—if we had a chance, I’d love to do that with him. Would it be wrong? Would it really be incest?

RESPONSE: This kind of question I sometimes write about for Bateworld, but it’s usually not possible for them to publish, as there are legal parameters for the site. But let me tell you, in reality, only you and your brother could really sort out the right and wrong involved, if an opportunity arises and he’s as interested as you seem to be. It’s a private matter.

From your question, I cannot tell if your brother would really be open to such sharing with you now. Even though he is divorced, many men, even gay men, are still conditioned with a certain amount of internalized homophobia. This means that even if he accepts that you are gay, he may not be able to easily deal with such tendencies within himself.

What this also brings up is the matter of men labeling ourselves according to a small number of simplistic categories. As I sometimes say, “gay, bi- and straight” really refer to kinds of sexual behavior, not to kinds of people. Technically, what you want to engage in with your brother is indeed considered incestuous—and legally. In practice it does seem different now that you are both adults with some personal history behind you.

Allow yourself to sometimes fantasize about this, so long as it is not a constant obsession, rather than disrupt your relationship as siblings. You are the only one who can observe how the personal rapport between you and him feels. Sense whether or not it might be a good time to suggest such an experience.

He may even have some feelings of this sort himself, when you consider the history you have growing up together. It’s best not to make any assumptions one way or another.

You may be able to communicate something on this issue non-verbally, just by looking into his eyes, asking him how he feels about your sexuality, even if you’ve talked about it before. Or even ask him if he remembers how it was, and what he thought of that. Consider his feelings before your own desires. You both have options Try not to close any doors, while at the same time it’s better not to force a door open. If you’re confident he might be open to it, why not just ask him?

On the other hand, it might be best of all to just let that experience of yours remain in the past and enjoy the arousing memories. Your decision, of course!

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.


View all posts by The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.

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3 Comments

  1. Growing up in a large family sharing a bed. It was the norm at night when you discovered you older brother jerking off and when you started joining in; well that made it even better. It became no shame to whip it out anywhere and just start jerking with each other. The bond was tight and still continues to this day. Not as often but that wild eyed look never goes away.