Ask The Batemaster: Bating Without My Boyfriend

In any significant relationship it’s best to always be honest, if possible.

QUESTION: Sometimes I use my phone to record myself stroking one out, especially when I’m parked in my car. The other day my boyfriend borrowed my phone and found a car bate vid I made. I saw him get a boner watching it, but then he told me he felt hurt. Asked why I need to bate when I have him for sex anytime. He’s pouting. So how do I fix this situation?

RESPONSE: You’ve got two basic choices: first you could promise never to masturbate again while he’s your boyfriend; or second, you could bite the bullet, be honest and tell him that as much as you love him, sometimes you get horny and need immediate relief. Maybe you just need more than he does. The first option, of course, is unrealistic and probably not honest. In any significant relationship it’s best to always be honest, if possible.

That second option I described brings up the matter of your boyfriend’s self-esteem, his sensitivity about how much you need him, and perhaps how openly and honestly you can communicate in your relationship. It seems that certain parameters commonly accepted for monogamous heterosexual marriage have bled over into many other kinds of relationships, and often this makes the ride bumpier. 

Human reality is that it’s not fair to either person for two to be expected to fulfill every need and desire for each other forever. Recent studies of tribal and hunter-gatherer cultures that survive show there is seldom anything quite like our modern concept of monogamous heterosexual marriage. Even in the case of a primary partner bond, both partners usually feel free to sometimes consort with other lovers of either sex. Sometimes this is done quite openly, other times it’s “out of sight, out of mind,” which might spare the feelings of the other person.

Still, in your case, your second option, which basically involves some open and honest communication is probably best. Don’t feel awkward or guilty about what you did, which was perfectly natural, understandable, and not intended to cause any harm. Probably the best approach is to reassure your boyfriend and tell him how much you like him and care about him. Emphasize that because you still sometimes also want to masturbate on your own, that is not because he is not enough for you.

Tell him that maybe your own sex drive is stronger than those of some people, and you don’t love him any less because of this need. You could even tell him how much it would mean to you if he could accept it.

If you’re convinced he can’t handle any such open and honest communication on the subject, without actually lying to him, you could tell him you’ll try not to do that again. Apologize and tell him you’re sorry if you upset him. Then, just be a lot more careful not to get caught, because in your inner self, you deserve to enjoy all the penis pleasure you want. It isn’t reasonable to give up extra masturbation. You should not be forced to choose between that enjoyment and enjoying him.

A few more things: be even more careful not to get caught by the wrong person while you’re bating in your car. Keep those vids of it better hidden!

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.