I love to cam with guys and bating online is important to me. But I’m always looking for someone new…

QUESTION:

I love to cam with guys and bating online is important to me. But I’m always looking for someone new. How do I tell a guy I’ve bated with before “No” without hurting his feelings?

RESPONSE:

The cliché is true that “Honesty is the best policy,” as much as possible. However, a good case can be made for the notion that “little white lies” to avoid seriously hurting someone’s feelings may be better than the alternative. Of course, this is especially true in a case where the person is not likely to ever learn the uglier truth! 

If you decide to try the honesty tack, I suggest you can still spare your other guy’s feelings as much as possible. In this case it’s at least partly true, I think, to say something like: “I really enjoyed masturbating with you. You are an attractive guy with a great penis, and this is about me, not about you. I’m sort of weird or quirky this way, but for me, once is always enough!” Something to this effect may still prove a bit puzzling or unsatisfying to the dude, but at least you’re doing your best not to crush his ego!

Another, not so kind approach is to just kind of “ghost” the person and pretend you don’t see his messages. The drawback of this is that you leave the person dangling, and it really isn’t very kind.

Yet a third approach, more challenging, but possibly more rewarding for you and the guys you share cam masturbation with online, is to work on yourself. It truly is more about you than about them! Try to figure out just why you have this sort of absolute parameter. Does it really serve you well? Does it need to be so absolute?

Your preference is not actually some huge character flaw. Still, you may be limiting your options for continuing fun. Consider saying “Sure!” to a second session, and this time put some focus at the start on getting to know this guy a little bit. In the circumstances, you’re wise not to interview him in too much detail. Don’t dig for major specifics like exactly where he lives, or his real name, if he’s using some online nick. At the same time, if the latter is the case, you can say, “Is there a first name that I can call you by? If you prefer, it doesn’t need to be your real name.” This is something I sometimes offer men myself; they usually come back with their actual first name.

Another way to try opening a door with another guy is to ask him about anything special he enjoys during masturbation, such as ball-play, nipple stimulation, or anal toys. If he opens up at all about this, go the extra mile and maybe surprise yourself by trying something new. Don’t just think about yourself, consider him.

“…go the extra mile and maybe surprise yourself by trying something new. Don’t just think about yourself, consider him.“

I’m not judging you, but it sounds like you’ve boxed yourself in a bit. Try to open up to your potential masturbation buddies in a friendly way and they may open up to you in ways you will also appreciate. Sometimes masturbating again with a new friend is more fun than doing it just once with a total stranger! 

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.