Ask Dr. Bate: Cumming Frequency and Bate Time

A Good Cumming Frequency

Question

Hi,
Do you have any specific advice around how frequently to cum when you’re able to edge for an hour or so a day without ejaculating? I can go for a month or so like that but I’m not sure it’s a healthy way to go.

Thanks,
Chris

Answer:

Great question Chris. I’m sure, as bators, there are several guys out there with the same concern.

It has been my experience that when it comes to cumming, each guy is going to have his own experience of when too much is too much or when it’s not enough. Even a simple web search on the topic will illicit various answers and conflicting data. There have been studies showing that more frequent ejaculation can improve prostate health and stave off prostate cancer. And there are those who believe that you should retain your seed as it’s [simple_tooltip content=’

In traditional Chinese culture, qì or ch›i (About this sound qì, also known as khí in Vietnamese culture, gi in Korean culture, ki in Japanese culture) is believed to be an active principle forming part of any living thing. Qi literally translates as “breath”, “air”, or “gas”, and figuratively as “material energy”, “life force”, or “energy flow”. Qi is the central underlying principle in traditional Chinese medicine and Chinese martial arts.

Wikipedia

‘]Ch′i[/simple_tooltip] – basic life energy and that to expel it would be to rid yourself of this vital force.

I say, have an experiment. Some guys can go for days, weeks, and months without cumming. From what I’ve heard in these situations they report having greater vitality and stamina – more life energy and concentration. There are other guys who REALLY need to cum because it’s TOO much energy for them, or their blue balls are too painful. Some guys don’t get blue balls at all.

My professional opinion is this, sperm that is not ejaculated breaks down and gets reabsorbed into the body, so what you don’t use gets reabsorbed. And as I’ve stated in previous editions of Ask Dr. Bate, going for prolonged sessions without giving your cock a break (especially while wearing a cock ring) can, over time, potentially damage the vessels bringing blood in and out of the tissue of the cock. So be mindful of this. You can read more about that here: Ask Dr. Bate: Cock Rings and Exhibitionism.

Also, listen to your body. Feel into it. Does it want to cum or does it want to hold off? See what happens to your energy after cumming and after retaining. I do recommend that if you’re going for prolonged periods of time that it couldn’t hurt to give yourself some ejaculatory release from time to time. I’m a strong proponent that sometimes energy needs to be released and flow through and out of the body for new energy to rise and flood in. And some find that the retaining of this energy can be HIGHLY spiritual.

Whatever you decide to do brother, be mindful and attentive to what your body requires, wants, and needs.

I hope this helps!
Garland J.

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Solo Masturbation Time in A New Domestic Partnership

Question:

I have a question. I have recently moved in with my partner. It is the first time I have lived with my partner, and I miss having time and space to masturbate. We have a great sex life together, but I don’t know how to say to my partner that sometimes I want to be alone to masturbate. I am afraid he will be offended and hurt.

Thanks.
hornyinspain.

Answer:

Hello hornyinspain,

Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your concern about needing time and space alone for your masturbation practice in your new living situation with your partner.
I hear that you enjoy sex with your partner and that you also desire to have a masturbation practice that is solely yours. This is very natural and important in any healthy sexual relationship. Masturbation is a form of self-love, and we all know that the depth that we love ourselves is the depth in which we can truly love others. So it is with our sexuality.

Your sexual relationship with yourself is the longest sexual relationship that you will ever have. This primary relationship is the foundation of your ability to enjoy your sexuality with others, your partner.

Some advice on how to talk about your desires to your partner: reassure him that you love him, that you are truly happy to be creating a home with him, and that you very much enjoy, appreciate, and desire the passionate sex life that you have together. After assuring him that you are present in the relationship with both feet and committed to your shared living situation, speak of your desire to have time for yourself to masturbate.

Be aware that this may bring up some abandonment issues as it may feel threatening to him not feeling good enough to meet your needs sexually or that he is being replaced, or shut out of your sexuality. Explain to him why it is important to you and that it is not a desire to replace the sex that you two have together. Let him know that your alone time will enhance your sexy time together. Your partner may also be desiring the same thing, but, like yourself, afraid to ask.

Only when we take the risk to be vulnerable and honestly share our desires, will we know that we can truly be ourselves with the people we love, and in the same breath, we will be giving them permission to share their desires with us as well.

Maybe you both can have a solo masturbation date with yourself at the same time. The possibilities are abundant.

Ask for what you want, and be kind and loving in the process. People tend to be afraid of what they don’t know, so be open to talking about his feelings about it as he processes this as well. Check in with each other often to see how it is working for both of you. This can be a great opportunity to strengthen your relationship.

And remember to BREATHE, tío!
Big Hugs Brother Bator,
Toby

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Garland Jarmon heralds from 7 years as an HIV/AIDS educator and sexual health counselor for individuals and couples. Having a Masters in Social Work and now as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he seeks to help all those in the LGBTQIA, straight, and Bator community live a more wholesome and embodied life, full of mindfulness and conscious exploration.

Toby de Luca comes from a background in Education and Massage Therapy. With a Masters in Teaching and also as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he to assist folks in facilitating stronger, healthier relationships with their own bodies and their relationships with others.

Together they co-own their own Sex and Erotic Coaching business — Spiritual Eros (www.SpiritualEros.com). They desire to bring to the BateWorld Community an opportunity to have an open and honest discussion about issues that many of us face. They believe that everything is an experiment and that the only failed experiment is one you don’t collect the data from. They also understand that because their answers may not fit every lived experience, they welcome community members to offer their experiences, challenges, and triumphs. They are proponents that healthy community creates healthier lives… and healthy lives, healthier communities!

Garland and Toby are Sexologists and as such are NOT medical doctors or therapists. The opinions, suggestions, and advice given are not meant to be in lieu of your primary care physician’s medical advice. If you are concerned about a medical condition or have a medical emergency, PLEASE contact your doctor, urgent care, or emergency room!

Brothers, we encourage you to exercise your best and highest wisdom and intuition!

If you’d like to submit questions, please email them to [email protected].