Question:
I am a physically fit 47-year-old man. I have always masturbated. But for the past 7 years I’ve increased the amount I touch my cock to 3-5 times a day. I mean, I can’t get enough, even after sex I’ll stay awake and stroke my hard cock to orgasm. For example, today I was off and I masturbated 6 times and made love to my beautiful wife. We have a healthy sex life and she even masturbates with me sometimes… it’s not effecting my social, work, or marriage. Is this normal?
–Chronic Masturbator
Answer:
Hello, Chronic Masturbator,
Thank you for your spirited question. As for your concern about the vast enjoyment and pleasure that you gain from masturbation, I would say first and foremost, ENJOY IT! Peoples’ sex drives tend to ebb and flow over time, seems that you are in a high tide season currently.
Sexual energy is very powerful and can bring about immense pleasure. There is a physiological chemical component to sex that secretes dopamine into the nervous system via the brain. Dopamine, and pleasure in general, overrides pain. So, friend… I would encourage you to do some internal inquiry to see if there is something that you are trying to escape or run away from, perhaps something subconscious. Was there a big change in your life 7 years ago that may be the impetus for this increased drive to masturbate? Maybe, maybe not. There is no right or wrong, good or bad here, only information, free of judgment.
Also, you may just want to experiment with what happens when you taper back on how often you masturbate and ejaculate. By holding on to your life energy, or your “moves moves,” as it is referred to in one of my favorite books, “The Man Who Fell in Love With the Moon,” you may free yourself up to express your energy in other ways that bring you pleasure as well.
This life-affirming energy can be extremely useful when it is consciously harnessed. The time and energy that you save by putting intentional limits on your masturbation and ejaculation can provide you with a lot of time and extra energy to use in different ways… a hobby, project or adventure perhaps. See what else brings you pleasure too!
Whatever you decide to do friend, enjoy the journey!
In Love and Breath,
Toby
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Question:
Lately I’ve been having a lot of anxiety surrounding my masturbation habits and my penis. I’ve been getting very deep into bating and I love it. I want to be ok with loving it, and I want to continue loving my penis, but I feel that I may have crossed a line into unhealthy territory.
I haven’t had morning wood for quite some time and I have been having trouble getting and keeping a strong erection in non-bate situations (i.e. sex with my partner.)
I can only get a hard erection after watching porn and working it up for awhile. My main question is: Is there a chance I have done permanent damage to my Penis? If I slow down on the masturbation for a while will my morning wood come back?
There may be other factors to my weak erections. I know I should exercise more, and I do enjoy drinking beer while I bate. I just wanted to know if there is hope for getting my penis back to being healthy and normal.
I need to find a way to love and appreciate my penis without over-working it too much.
Please Help!
–overworked
Answer:
Dear overworked,
Thank you for your question as it’s an important one that touches on several key considerations for your masturbation practice.
It appears that you already have an inkling as to what might be the culprit to your loss of erection. You stated a few things: your over dependence on porn, your physical health, and potentially your use of alcohol. These can all potentially result in unhealthy habits.
Porn
I agree with your assessment that taking a break from porn might serve you well. Most of us have created habits around porn that have debilitated our sensate focus (the ability to mindfully and deeply feel bodily sensations). Over time, porn can cripple our ability to remain embodied during masturbation because we are becoming more and more dependent on it. We get so focused on what is happening on the screen that we are not paying much attention to our body outside of the genital stimulation.
I recommend stepping away from the porn for a while; give your body a chance to be stimulated and aroused not by what is happening on the screen but by the physical pleasures that are rising in your body. There are more techniques you could try but I recommend starting here. Give your body a break.
Tending the Temple
Your penis is part of your body! This fact cannot be understated. As part of your body you’re penis can be affected by your daily bodily habits: how much sleep you get, what your diet is including your alcohol and water intake, what your exercise routine is, what you’re dealing with emotionally or spiritually. ALL of these things can deal negatively (or positively) with your penis and your masturbation. It is very important that you continue tend your temple, your body.
You mentioned exercising more and curbing your alcohol intake. I recommend you start there. Get more sleep, if you are sleep deprived. Curb your alcohol intake and drink more water. And start a regular exercise routine. Start with changing some things in your daily habit and see if that doesn’t start to shift things with your penis. It seems to me that your penis has grown accustomed to only being able to perform when certain elements are present. And even those elements are starting to lose their appeal.
There is nothing wrong with trying something new. Remember that everything is an experiment. And the only failed experiment is one where you don’t gather the information or data. You are collecting the data from the experiments you are currently having and you have deemed the conclusions aren’t so great.
Try something new, brother! I think you are already on to something – your body is already sending you messages. It just requires you putting new elements into practice. I think you said it best, “I need to find a way to love and appreciate my penis without over-working it too much.”
Be well and Good Luck,
Garland
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Garland Jarmon heralds from 7 years as an HIV/AIDS educator and sexual health counselor for individuals and couples. Having a Masters in Social Work and now as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he seeks to help all those in the LGBTQIA, straight, and Bator community live a more wholesome and embodied life, full of mindfulness and conscious exploration.
Toby de Luca comes from a background in Education and Massage Therapy. With a Masters in Teaching and also as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he to assist folks in facilitating stronger, healthier relationships with their own bodies and their relationships with others.
Together they co-own their own Sex and Erotic Coaching business — Spiritual Eros (www.SpiritualEros.com). They desire to bring to the BateWorld Community an opportunity to have open and honest discussion about issues that many of us face. They believe that everything is an experiment and that the only failed experiment is one you don’t collect the data from. They also understand that because their answers may not fit every lived experience, they welcome community members to offer their own experiences, challenges, and triumphs. They are proponents that healthy community creates healthier lives…and healthy lives, healthier communities!
Garland and Toby are Sexologists and as such are NOT medical doctors or therapists. The opinions, suggestions, and advice given are not meant to be in lieu of your primary care physician’s medical advice. If you are concerned about a medical condition or have a medical emergency, PLEASE contact your doctor, urgent care, or emergency room!
Brothers, we encourage you to exercise your best and highest wisdom and intuition!
If you’d like to submit questions, please email them to [email protected].
I am proud to be a solo masturbator.
For me, wanker masturbator or is not a dirty word. I like a masturbator and proud of it.
That being said, most people masturbate anyway.
For me, sexual activity is masturbation.
I believe that masturbation is a basic need such as food, drink and breathe.
And also makes masturbation even fun. I now operate almost daily masturbation for 61 years and still have my fun.
Moreover, masturbation has the advantage that you can masturbate with less than erect penis. Because with the erection I have a problem since my age of 62. I am now 70 years old. Daily masturbation is good for the penis and the prostate. You can see it in my pictures after masturbation 27 367 in 62 years.
I am proud to find myself in such a large company of masturbators.
I start the masturbation with the 3 finger method, that is. Funds and index finger of the right hand on the underside of the penis and thumbs up. This is best because in my age (70 years), the penis is not as fast stiff. If then increases the excitation potential, I suppose as before the whole hand. This is precisely the advantage of masturbation that you can also meet without a full erection.
As the lubricant has proven best butter in the course of time, I used to use a hand cream which over time is not as well tolerated by the skin. Above all it is important to wash the penis after use, cleanliness is ever a habitual masturbators like me very important because the penis in good condition must always be available.