Ask Dr. Bate: Lopsided Bator And Inner Exhibitionist

Lopsided Masturbator

Question:

I’ve been jerking off since I was 11. I am now 22. I mostly jerk off with my right hand, and I’ve noticed that the right side of my chest is bigger than my left. I can’t help it! It feels better with my right hand. Is there any way to get the left side to look like my right without jerking off with my left hand? Or do I have to wank with my left hand for 11 years for my chest to look even? Haha! 🙂

-Maurice

Answer:

Hello Maurice,
Thank you for your question and sharing your concern regarding favoring your dominant hand to masturbate, thus creating a larger pectoral muscle on the right side of your chest. And yes… masturbating with only your left hand for the next 11 years to develop your left pectoral muscle to match the right one is an option, albeit not the most expedient or pleasurable to you it sounds. And you probably do not want to have the 11-year experiment of not masturbating at all to let your right chest loose enough muscle to match your left.

So, Instead of 11 years of left-handed masturbation, you may want to try working your left pectoral muscle with a dumbbell or free weights at your home or in the gym. You would be able to continue your right-handed masturbation, and you could have fun experimenting with your left hand as well. The only way to develop your left chest muscles is to work it out as you have the right side. Using this method you will be able to see results well before the 11-year mark.

Have fun experimenting with all things left-handed.

In Light and Laughs,
Toby

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Releasing the Inner Exhibitionist

Question:

Hi, I’m an avid masturbator, long time member of Bateworld, and consider myself solo-sexual. I grew up very shy about being seen naked and later in life began to get excited about the thought of being seen in the nude. Slowly I evolved into posting pics and videos online in various places, even going so far as to proclaim them as public domain so they cannot be retracted.

However, even though I’ve tried to set myself up to be fully exposed, I always end up retreating and either deleting what I posted or making every profile, pic, and video private. Granted it’s been baby steps over quite some time to get this far, but I’ve been repeating this same behavior for a while now without going forward. It’s like I’ve hit a wall and can’t move past it. Is this as far as I dare go now? Is it the end of the line with this? Or am I missing something to put me over the hump to put it all out there?

Thanks for any insight, advice, help, etc.

-Dick

Answer:

Thanks for your question, Dick.

One of the things I do in my practice is to invite my clients to bring mindfulness to bear on their life, their desires, and their habits. Desires and habits are not necessarily right or wrong, they just are. What we do with them determines their potential for good or harm, to ourselves and others.

In that light, Dick, I want to invite you to bring mindfulness into your desire for exhibitionism. It appears to me that your judgments about exhibitionism might be holding you back. Again, this isn’t a bad thing. On the contrary, this is an opportunity for you to bring mindfulness, like a flashlight, to bear on your resistances of going full public monty. I encourage you to do what you do with deliberate purpose and intention. Choose to do it or not. But don’t do anything unless you have taken the time to inquire closely about your resistances.

Your resistances are often your best and most faithful teachers. I cannot necessarily tell you how to get over your hurdle of being fully public; that is something you are going to have to discover on your own, but I feel I can lend some insight to point you in the right direction.

1. Inquire about your enculturation and conditioning. – The most obvious reason you keep going back and forth could be that we still live in a very puritanical society that admonishes public nudity. For most of us, public nudity (in cyberspace or communal space) is indecent, unseemingly, and in some areas, illegal. Take some time to ask whether this conditioning still serves you. Listen to the resistance and let it inform you about your fears.
2. The potential for harm, danger, or being a social outcast – I cannot argue against the fact that what we find taboo and dangerous is often the most invigorating and exciting. It is common for many of us, in our boredom, to seek ways to spice up our life, our social life, and even our sex life. As Henry David Thoreau is so famously quoted, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” However, there are potential dangers in following the beat of a different drummer.
3. Are your resistances teaching you about your fears of being ostracized, losing a job, friends finding out, family shame, guilt, etc. ? These are real aspects and demons that can prevent us from living the life we truly want to live, openly and freely. Ultimately, what is it that YOU are most afraid happening and why?
4. Take your time! – I tell my clients NOT to blow through their resistances. Think of them as barricades on the road. If you run your car through the, you could wreck your car at best and physically harm yourself at worse. No, take your time looking and working with your resistances. They are there for a reason. Others might have put them there, or they may be your own. Either way, don’t look at them as aspects to be merely overcome but as teachers pointing you the way forward.

Simply ask your resistances, “Why are you here and what are you trying to teach me?”

Ultimately, this will help you learn more about yourself and what you truly desire in the world and how you truly desire to be. I hope this helps!

Many Blessings,
Garland J.

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Garland Jarmon heralds from 7 years as an HIV/AIDS educator and sexual health counselor for individuals and couples. Having a Masters in Social Work and now as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he seeks to help all those in the LGBTQIA, straight, and Bator community live a more wholesome and embodied life, full of mindfulness and conscious exploration.

Toby de Luca comes from a background in Education and Massage Therapy. With a Masters in Teaching and also as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he to assist folks in facilitating stronger, healthier relationships with their own bodies and their relationships with others.

Together they co-own their own Sex and Erotic Coaching business — Spiritual Eros (www.SpiritualEros.com). They desire to bring to the BateWorld Community an opportunity to have an open and honest discussion about issues that many of us face. They believe that everything is an experiment and that the only failed experiment is one you don’t collect the data from. They also understand that because their answers may not fit every lived experience, they welcome community members to offer their experiences, challenges, and triumphs. They are proponents that healthy community creates healthier lives… and healthy lives, healthier communities!

Garland and Toby are Sexologists and as such are NOT medical doctors or therapists. The opinions, suggestions, and advice given are not meant to be in lieu of your primary care physician’s medical advice. If you are concerned about a medical condition or have a medical emergency, PLEASE contact your doctor, urgent care, or emergency room!

Brothers, we encourage you to exercise your best and highest wisdom and intuition!

If you’d like to submit questions, please email them to [email protected].