Ask Dr. Bate: Sneezing, Sexual Fluidity, And Arousal

Sneezing When Sexually Aroused

Question:

Often times over the years I find that when I view an erotic photo I will sneeze uncontrollably right out of the blue. I’ve never heard of anyone else having this happen to them. It isn’t chronic, but it does happen frequently. Have you heard of this happening to others?

-Bike10

Answer:

Hello Bike10,

Thank you for sharing your interesting question. Honestly, I personally have never heard of folks sneezing as a reaction to seeing an erotic photo. However, upon doing some research, I have found an intriguing answer to your question.

In short, no, you are not the only one that has a sneezing reaction. The important information here is that it happens when you see an erotic photo. That is because, according to a study from the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine, entitled: “Sneezing Induced by Sexual Ideation or Orgasm: An Under-Reported Phenomenon“, sneezing while sexually stimulated or thinking about sex is a reaction that is involuntary and is most likely a parasympathetic nervous system phenomenon (to read the research study in full, click on the title above).

In the article “Sneezing Can Show That You Are Aroused Sexually,” it states that sneezing can be a reaction to being sexually stimulated. It further explains that some folks sneeze while thinking about sex (sexual ideation) or orgasm. This is much the same response as some people’s involuntary sneeze reaction to being exposed to sunlight, or plucking their eyebrows (click on the title to read the full article).

I hope that having more information gives you comfort. Thank you for this opportunity to learn something new as well! Now I know why I sneeze when I walk outside into the sunlight.

Big hugs,
Toby

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The Fluidity of Sexual Arousal

Question:

Doc, I am a 44-year-old guy and have considered myself as “straight” for my entire life. I have had several girlfriends and enjoy sex with females completely. I met my current girlfriend on an adult chat site after chatting for a few hours and hooking up for an all night sex session. After we became a couple we created a Couple profile and eventually filled it up with videos and photos of the two of us. Over the past few years, I have become a fan of being a bit of an exhibitionist, getting naked and masturbating for others to see on camera.

I have found that by not showing my face most of the time while doing this, it allows me to feel much more open to a wide range of sexuality that I normally would not do if not for the relative anonymity. In fact, I find myself now seeking out and watching other guys rather that watching women. I think mostly due to the fact that the amount of men on cam as compared to women is significant, but now I don’t even really bother trying to look for women to help “fuel my bate” as they say here. My girlfriend and I have had several swinging experiences with other couples, women, and men.

The question I have is, why is it that when I need bate fuel I like watching guys, but when we actually meet people in person I have a hard time being attracted to or wanting to play with other guys. I consider myself pretty much a Bi-sexual at this point but I am really not so sure what to think about it all. Got any advice?

-Mike

Answer:

Dear Mike, thanks for your question.

What you should know is that sexuality and sexual attraction can be VERY fluid and ever changing. Welcome to the world of non-duality! Everything cannot be contained in a black/white, yes/no, or right/wrong container. Sexuality is definitely one of them. What you once thought would not bring you pleasure, upon exploration, might unlock a whole new world of thrill and excitement for you.

There is nothing wrong with this! And there’s nothing wrong with you!

There are many gay men, for instance (myself included), who have found some straight porn to be quite arousing. In the same vein, as you are discovering, there are many straight folks that find gay/lesbian porn to be arousing. There is a myriad of reasons for why these things exist – too many to go into here. I encourage you, however, to do some inquiry for yourself as to why you find guys more arousing to bate to than women?

Some thoughts…

Fantasy plays a major role in masturbation. Coupled with the anonymity that headless exhibition can provide, you can make up any story you want about the guy on the screen. Also, with online camming there is an immediate air of sexual excitement that can be very triggering. Could it be that you are feeding off of the sexual energy of the other men’s sexual excitement? Even though it’s on a screen it’s resonating with you – and deeply.

I think your inquiry is a great invitation to explore your inner sexual landscape. What really turns you on and how can you hone that and embrace it more fully? What are the elements of watching other guys that you find arousing (this question is a uniquely personal one)? Is it certain types of guys that turn you on – their height, their weight, their skin tone, or their level of kinkiness? Or is it the level of secrecy and anonymity you find arousing?

You also mentioned that meeting guys for bate is a nonstarter for you. Perhaps the powers of your anonymity or not having to overtly deal with the “gay” overtones of a physical interaction are turn-ons. These are just some suggestions for you to think about. But I do think it’s a worthy inquiry.

My advice is for you to sit with these questions and next time you are camming with another guy, think about what elements about the encounter you find arousing. Be honest with yourself and the answers will come.

I’m excited for your discovery,
Garland J.

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Garland Jarmon heralds from 7 years as an HIV/AIDS educator and sexual health counselor for individuals and couples. Having a Masters in Social Work and now as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he seeks to help all those in the LGBTQIA, straight, and Bator community live a more wholesome and embodied life, full of mindfulness and conscious exploration.

Toby de Luca comes from a background in Education and Massage Therapy. With a Masters in Teaching and also as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he to assist folks in facilitating stronger, healthier relationships with their own bodies and their relationships with others.

Together they co-own their own Sex and Erotic Coaching business — Spiritual Eros (www.SpiritualEros.com). They desire to bring to the BateWorld Community an opportunity to have an open and honest discussion about issues that many of us face. They believe that everything is an experiment and that the only failed experiment is one you don’t collect the data from. They also understand that because their answers may not fit every lived experience, they welcome community members to offer their own experiences, challenges, and triumphs. They are proponents that healthy community creates healthier lives…and healthy lives, healthier communities!

Garland and Toby are Sexologists and as such are NOT medical doctors or therapists. The opinions, suggestions, and advice given are not meant to be in lieu of your primary care physician’s medical advice. If you are concerned about a medical condition or have a medical emergency, PLEASE contact your doctor, urgent care, or emergency room!

Brothers, we encourage you to exercise your best and highest wisdom and intuition!

If you’d like to submit questions, please email them to [email protected].