EDITOR’S NOTE: If you have a question for Dr. Bate, we want to hear from you. You can submit your question by scrolling down to the bottom of this page and submitting it on the form that will appear or emailing your questions to [email protected].Hakkesho’s Question For Dr. Bate:
Hello Dr. Bate,
I wanted to ask if there was ever a time when you watch a video or something in real life that got your cock rock hard instantly?
–Hakkesho
Dr. Bate’s Answer:
Hello Hakkesho,
Thanks for your fun, hot, personal question! It is not very often that I get rock hard from external stimuli such as videos or pictures, although it has happened on occasion. However, I have gotten rock hard from live voyeuristic scenarios, especially unexpected ones. The element of surprise for me is very erotically charged. Usually though, I have noticed that my cock only gets rock hard if there is physical contact from myself or another person.
I do know a few men in my life that will get instantly rock hard from words, videos, photos, etc. Each person’s genitalia is unique and operates differently. It is important to know that however your cock responds is completely perfect. Remember that comparing your bodily arousal for the sake of judging is never beneficial or productive, but sharing stories is always intriguing! On that note, I would love to hear from other Bate Brothers about what turns you on erotically! Keep exploring!
In brotherhood,
Toby
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A Question For Dr. Bate:
Hello,
I am in a loving long-term relationship with another man. We are open about almost everything, including sexual encounters with other people, but the one thing I find it hard to talk to him about is my passion for masturbation. I know he does it too, but not to the same extent and I don’t know if he will understand that I could chose having a wank over having sex with him sometimes. Can you give me some advice on how to deal with this?
Dr. Bate’s Answer:
Thank you for asking, that’s a great question. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I’m a firm believer in open and honest communication between partners, regardless how uncomfortable that communication might be. My suggestion is to have an open conversation with your partner letting him know that you have something very important to discuss. If you like, ask him to refrain from comment until you are done expressing your desires. During this time, be honest about your passion for masturbation, the joy that you derive from this practice, and your desire for him to except this part of your life.
Per your question, it sounds like you two have a very healthy dialogue when it comes to your sex life and I encourage you to feel confident that your partner will be able to also understand your masturbation habit. I also encourage you to inform your partner that although you enjoy the sex you have with him, you also fully enjoy the pleasures you derive from your solo time—that both of these activities feed you in different, yet crucial and beautiful ways.
I hope that this advice helps and that you and your partner will be able to create and hone sexual parameters that both feed and enhance your individual and joint sexual exploration.
All the best,
Garland J.
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Garland Jarmon heralds from 7 years as an HIV/AIDS educator and sexual health counselor for individuals and couples. Having a Masters in Social Work and now as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he seeks to help all those in the LGBTQIA, straight, and Bator community live a more wholesome and embodied life, full of mindfulness and conscious exploration.
Toby de Luca comes from a background in Education and Massage Therapy. With a Masters in Teaching and also as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he to assist folks in facilitating stronger, healthier relationships with their own bodies and their relationships with others.
Together they co-own their own Sex and Erotic Coaching business — Spiritual Eros (www.SpiritualEros.com). They desire to bring to the BateWorld Community an opportunity to have open and honest discussion about issues that many of us face. They believe that everything is an experiment and that the only failed experiment is one you don’t collect the data from. They also understand that because their answers may not fit every lived experience, they welcome community members to offer their own experiences, challenges, and triumphs. They are proponents that healthy community creates healthier lives…and healthy lives, healthier communities!
Garland and Toby are Sexologists and as such are NOT medical doctors or therapists. The opinions, suggestions, and advice given are not meant to be in lieu of your primary care physician’s medical advice. If you are concerned about a medical condition or have a medical emergency, PLEASE contact your doctor, urgent care, or emergency room!
Brothers, we encourage you to exercise your best and highest wisdom and intuition!
If you’d like to submit questions, please email them to [email protected].
