ASK DR. BATE: Sharing Masturbation With Someone

EDITOR’S NOTE: If you have a question for Dr. Bate, we want to hear from you. You can submit your question by scrolling down to the bottom of this page and submitting it on the form that will appear or emailing your questions to [email protected].

QUESTION:

Hey Doc,

I’ve been a member of BW for over 3 years now, and been committed to the solosexual lifestyle for 2 years now.  I’m loving it, but would love to share this with someone in a relationship.  There aren’t many who are dedicated to this sort of lifestyle, but how do you recommend some ways to find someone?

Thanks ahead!

BHMenace

TOBY’S ANSWER:

Hey BHMenace,

Thank you for sharing your personal sexual self-discoveries with us!

I hear you that you are loving your solosexuality and that you are also wanting to share it with another person in the capacity of a relationship, who also identifies as a solosexual.  You’re in luck! I would encourage you to put the word out to your bate brothers in the form of a group specifically for solosexuals interested in relationships if one does not already exist. Also, you can look at your fellow bators’ profiles that self-identify as solosexuals! There is a saying that whatever you are looking for is looking for you.

There are also organizations, such as Rain City Jacks, here in Seattle, where men gather specifically for the purpose of sharing masturbation. You can look to see if there is a jack off club in a city near you where you can share your solosexuality with other men.  If you use other dating apps, I recommend that you are clear and direct as to exactly what you are wanting and looking for. You may find that other people have been waiting to find the same thing. What a great thing to share in a relationship capacity!

Calling all solosexuals: I encourage you to get in touch with our brother (maybe your future partner 😉
Best wishes on your journey,
Toby

QUESTION:

Hey Dr. Bate,
My GF loves using plugs on me, but sometimes they are a little much. Are there any health risks in using butt plugs?
Thanks,
Todd

TOBY’S ANSWER:

Hello Todd,
Great to hear that you are open to exploring pleasure around your ass, especially as a straight man (I am assuming)! Everyone has an asshole with the capacity for incredible pleasure and sensitivity, but not a lot of straight-identified men are comfortable exploring that for fear of it somehow meaning that they are gay, which is just not true and prevents them from experiencing immense pleasure.

While exploring ass play, take it slow! If it feels like too much, then it is too much! There are no health risks to using butt plugs, except that if you go too fast, too soon, it will be very uncomfortable and may cause anal fissures, which are small tears in the lining of your anal cavity and your sphincters. Your ass needs to be relaxed and it shouldn’t hurt. Go slow so that it is pleasurable. Use a lot of lube.

It’s great that you are exploring butt plugs for your girlfriend, but the most important thing is that you are doing it for your pleasure first and foremost. She will get enjoyment from your pleasure. And above all…endure nothing! Don’t try to push through any pain or discomfort for the sake of wanting to please your girlfriend.
Have a blast exploring the pleasurable universe that is your ass!
In Breath,
Toby

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Garland Jarmon heralds from 7 years as an HIV/AIDS educator and sexual health counselor for individuals and couples. Having a Masters in Social Work and now as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he seeks to help all those in the LGBTQIA, straight, and Bator community live a more wholesome and embodied life, full of mindfulness and conscious exploration.

Toby de Luca comes from a background in Education and Massage Therapy. With a Masters in Teaching and also as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he to assist folks in facilitating stronger, healthier relationships with their own bodies and their relationships with others.

Together they co-own their own Sex and Erotic Coaching business — Spiritual Eros (www.SpiritualEros.com). They desire to bring to the BateWorld Community an opportunity to have open and honest discussion about issues that many of us face. They believe that everything is an experiment and that the only failed experiment is one you don’t collect the data from. They also understand that because their answers may not fit every lived experience, they welcome community members to offer their own experiences, challenges, and triumphs. They are proponents that healthy community creates healthier lives…and healthy lives, healthier communities!

Garland and Toby are Sexologists and as such are NOT medical doctors or therapists. The opinions, suggestions, and advice given are not meant to be in lieu of your primary care physician’s medical advice. If you are concerned about a medical condition or have a medical emergency, PLEASE contact your doctor, urgent care, or emergency room!

Brothers, we encourage you to exercise your best and highest wisdom and intuition!

If you’d like to submit questions, please email them to [email protected].