QUESTION:
My buddy likes me to watch him jerk off, but he won’t let me do it at the same time except with a hand inside my shorts. Doesn’t want to see my penis so there’s no mutual exposure. Says he’s not gay, but obviously gets off on me seeing what he’s doing. What’s going on here?
RESPONSE:
In some ways masturbation seems to me the most intimate form of sex, and it is certainly the most common. It is often experienced solo, and somewhat secretly, but also in many ways it is more about your relationship with yourself than with anyone else. So, it can be highly beneficial, but may also confuse some guys due to conditioning around it.
Like many men, your buddy may feel a kind of cathartic affirmation by being witnessed. Sometimes a man may feel especially vulnerable to be seen stimulating his own genitals, and yet at the same time it may confirm to him that not only is this okay, but a good thing. In the case of your friend, it seems there are some conflicting motivations and feelings going on.
He may say he doesn’t want to see your penis because that is just something he doesn’t want to admit to you or to himself. It may mean that he very much wants to see your penis, but his conditioning of homophobia may be stronger than that desire. Many men are similarly conflicted within.
Perhaps I am making unfair assumptions about him and about the situation, as well. Human beings are extremely complicated. We tend to have contradictory currents flowing within us, even whirlpools and “becalmed” waters that seem placid and undisturbed on the surface, along with underground rivers. But who knows what’s going on at even deeper levels?
“We tend to have contradictory currents flowing within us, even whirlpools and “becalmed” waters that seem placid and undisturbed on the surface…“
One question to ask yourself is how much reward, or even just simple fun, do you get out of these encounters? If they do not leave you feeling frustrated or uncertain about your own desirability, then maybe it’s okay to just continue in this direction. However, it sounds to me like your buddy has contradictions going on in him, as he is concerned about you thinking he might be gay, but he gets off on you watching him.
These matters suggest to me that you also have some similar contradictions within you. Consider why you like these encounters. Are they rewarding just for the raw erotic fun of seeing your buddy masturbate? Because he likes to be witnessed, are you doing it partly to be nice to him? Allowing him to control you that way seems like an imbalance of personal power to me.
You may both have decided it isn’t getting anywhere and maybe you’ve moved on and away from the situation, or away from each other. Or maybe he’s accepted himself better and you’re both naked, witnessing each other, possibly even stroking each other’s penises. This last outcome sounds like the nicest and most fun to me! But if you try to make it happen, he might reject the idea and you with it.
Best of luck, Brother!
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at BateWorld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
