“Edging Skills Are Not Easy For Me!”
QUESTION:
I’m working hard and practicing to become better at edging, even to masturbate mindfully. But I still ejaculate too easily, too soon, mainly because it just feels so incredible! I’m 27, so I thought my hormones might settle down a bit. When I shoot, I feel like a failure. Such guilt and shame overcome me, that I almost want to give up the effort. How can I do better?!
RESPONSE:
Learning to sustain your arousal and continue to stimulate your penis for longer and longer periods is certainly one of the greatest joys of male masturbation. However, I also maintain that quality of pleasure may be more important than quantity.
At the same time, you cannot explore what I consider the really high and unbelievably delicious realms of pure penis pleasure with a quickie of just ten or fifteen minutes. Even half an hour or an hour does not suffice for the kind of adventures in high quality solo bliss that are possible.
I’ve written here before about the basics of Mindful Masturbation: deep breathing, keeping relaxed and slowing down strokes, keeping your focus on yourself, using both hands, alternate strokes, and paying close attention to your level of arousal.
Most important, I think, in your case, is to work on dissolving your reaction of guilt and shame. This apparently overcomes you after you ejaculate, which is also a common experience for many men. During the delicious swirls of enhanced brain chemicals and hormones associated with erotic pleasure, most men become quite oblivious to anything else except how good the sensations feel. But with ejaculation, though there is a surge and a peak during which you may feel flung into a fantastic void of oblivion, the downside soon crashes back down upon you.
“Most important […] is to work on dissolving your reaction of guilt and shame.”
I suggest combined approaches. One approach is to use reason and common sense and often reassure yourself what you already know: masturbation is natural, healthy, even beneficial! Like any activity that can improve with skill, it simply requires conscious practice and refinement of techniques. Keep training yourself to sustain self-pleasure for longer and longer intervals before ejaculation. When you masturbate long enough, say at least forty minutes, or an hour or more, the ejaculatory orgasm will be grander and the downside less of a downer.
The next step is to learn to end some sessions without the need for an ejaculatory orgasm. Prolonged pure penis pleasure of high enough quality can prove even better than ejaculating more often! Pursue the process I call Mindful Masturbation or watch any training you can find on edging.
Never give up, Brother! What you seek is way beyond worth the effort: this is one of life’s greatest joys!
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I think the guilt and shame the young man expresses may not be from masturbation itself, but more from the frustration that many of us trying to figure out the secrets to multiple dry orgasms have experienced. It took me half a lifetime to achieve it – gave up on it many times before seeing your work. There were 3 breakthroughs that I got from Bruce. First, I think that many of the books that I read years ago didn’t emphasize the length of the practice sessions. A lot of us thought 20 minutes was a long session – not enough for mindful masturbation – but we didn’t know any better. Second, we didn’t understand that practice should be a daily routine – not something 2-3 times a week as you are learning. Third, the importance of breathwork. While I know there are many other elements, those are 3 that you gave detailed information which led me to the promised land!
Great question. A quick comment. When I am feeling the Edge, I check in with my brain. Am I in pleasure mode or reward mode? Am I liking stroking or am I wanting release? Liking will help sustain self-pleasuring.
I began “edging” before it had a name back in the late 60s. There were no books that I knew of at the time – but I wanted to extend that wonderful pleasure I received from masturbating.. I would get home from school every day and “practice” – some things worked and some didnt. One of the things that helped me was having a clock in th room where I could always see it. I would start to feel a bit excited and stop. I would then set small goals for myself – like 2 more minutes or 5 more minutes. [eventually you dont need this – it just becomes natural This caused me to stroke slower – so I could enjoy each and every stroke – plus I found it slowed my breathing. The most difficult thing [for me at least] was to relax. .When you get close, you naturally tense up leg muscles, your anus, etc and hold your breath. These all have to be overcome. For me its a combination of slow stroking – slower breathing – and relaxing . . . .
It took me a long time to get there, too. I wasn’t one of those men who try it for a few days or a week and master this skill. It took me months, but the important thing is – I got there. And “there” is one of the best things to ever happen to me. “There” is often the best part of my day. “There” is a game-changer. “There” is worth whatever effort, time and dedication is required of you.
At 27, one of the best things you can do is to edge with other guys, together physically or on cam, like on BW VidChat. From my experience, I know I’d always cum too fast when trying to edge face to face with men, like in a bathhouse situation — it was just too exciting and I was eager to shoot and feel that total pleasure. Little did I know it could get even better! I didn’t know what I was doing when I first started edging on cam, but I quickly connected with other guys here and soon started edging with the best of them. I like to think of edging now as a social thing on cam to make it the best and longest-lasting experience as possible!
Best to take your time and tell yourself that it is about the journey. Block off a big chunk of time, so you don’t feel the need to rush to a squirt. When I first started edging, I increased the amount of albo I used with an emphasis on making finger contact with my dong arousing. Somewhere along the way, I’ll feel like I want to cum, but I find if I relax my pelvic muscles, I’ll actually get a little surge a precum starting to flow out. It seems like after the pre starts to flow I can start edging in earnest for hours
I have to credit the time it took even a .jpeg photo to load on link-o-rama porn site as a teen for my exceptional edging techniques! Lol! It took sooooo long, there was no choice other than to edge. For hours. Still do! And now with added 420, just to make the sessions longer. Love hitting that edge.
I practice a form of edging that I learned here from our esteemed Batemaster – multiple dry orgasms. 20 or 30 or more in succession get me really charged with erotic energy without the let-down following an ejaculation. Several sets a day are wonderful!