“My boyfriend has trouble getting off with me, but has no trouble staying hard and blowing his wad when our bate buddies are involved…”
QUESTION:
My boyfriend and I love to bate together, as much as any form of sex. Lately, when it’s just the two of us, he seems to have trouble getting off, even goes limp or can’t come. We have several bate buddies who sometimes get involved, and when they watch him, he has no trouble staying hard and shooting his wad! It makes me a tiny bit jealous, I guess. Or is he just getting tired of me? Help! What should I do?
RESPONSE:
You cannot usefully try to force anyone to behave as you think they should, though it is quite often useful to clearly, honestly ask for what you want. In your situation, be aware that in the realm of male sexuality, a lot of familiarity can diminish the fires of passion. This seems to depend to some extent on the personal chemistry between those sharing erotic activity such as masturbation. But personal chemistry is a mysterious thing not easy to figure out.
Quite commonly, as far as sexual interactions are concerned, men often crave variety with others, even when they may still have strong feelings for the guy who has been their primary. This may lead into the somewhat sticky territory of so-called “open relationships,” or possessiveness versus permission.
Your boyfriend may have a stronger streak of exhibitionism in him than you do. This could be part of the reason why he seems to appreciate a “wider audience” for his stroking and his ejaculations. Novelty, plus an ever-expanding audience, may be the spice he needs to get off, as you suggest.
Part of your challenge is to decide how much your relationship with him matters to you, even though the original flames of your mutual ardor may have cooled somewhat. Perhaps you are still strongly attracted to him. Though he may still find you attractive, it may not be enough to keep his desire blazing. Tough as it may be to admit this to yourself, consider this. Try to weigh out how important it is to you that you can “get him off” without more participants.
Male group masturbation is such that it does provide more variety of erotic stimulation than a couple who feel bound to being a pair. Some couples can relax into this kind of more open, if not totally promiscuous relationship. Others have more trouble with it. Humans are complicated, and this makes human relations extremely complex.
You might consider that, if you can relax your possessiveness to some extent, the variety is also spicy for you!
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
And I’m just the opposite; I prefer just one-on-one masturbation sharing. And we’re a hetero couple.
I’m happy just sharing a good Jack & Jill with my wife. I find a group of people more of a distraction than a turn-on. Perhaps there’s just too much activity with more people. I like to focus on my cock and seeing her work her pussy. I’ve had the opportunity to exhibit myself with a group and it was certainly a fun thing to do, but I prefer a smaller, simpler scenario.
This seems like a reasonable response. I think the two of them should do the BDSM test and see where they stand on the sexual scale. If the BF is an exhibitionist, then this is what he needs to do. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his partner.
The only risk is when the relationship no longer becomes healthy and communicative, bonds break down and the heart starts to question it all, which leaves the door open for emotional straying.
Acceptance of your partner is key.