“The idea that masturbation is anti-social […] is just part of outdated anti-masturbation campaigns that linger from the last few centuries.”
QUESTION:
I do it with bate buds and in groups! To me, bating is as social as it gets, though I still do it by myself, too. Why do some people say masturbating is anti-social?
RESPONSE:
The idea that masturbation is anti-social, or that the activity of self-pleasure might make you anti-social, is just part of outdated anti-masturbation campaigns that linger from the last few centuries. The supposed reasoning is that you might become so satisfied with yourself that you will not bother to relate to other people, or you might even separate yourself from other people to do it. How true is this in practice?
It’s great that you masturbate socially, perhaps more than many men get to do! Also, while some men do masturbate mostly or always in solitude, this does not make them anti-social people. In truth, a healthy lifestyle is to be comfortable by yourself, and in the company of other people. Both solitude and social interaction are valuable.
In truth, a healthy lifestyle is to be comfortable by yourself, and in the company of other people. Both solitude and social interaction are valuable.
Even for men who usually or always masturbate alone, this practice makes your solitary time more rewarding. It probably makes you a happier, better-adjusted person when you are around other people, and you interact with them.
Most definitely humans are social creatures, and we cannot exist or be healthy in complete solitude, without any connection or any kind of interaction with other people. However, this social nature can also go too far. Some people feel extremely insecure if they are not surrounded by others! So perhaps it’s wiser to view this matter as a balancing act. Furthermore, everyone is somewhat different. People range from seriously introverted to totally extroverted, which means quite inhibited around others to not at all!
Perhaps our species could become happier and healthier overall if many more men had the opportunity to masturbate with fellow men, if more men felt comfortable with this marvelous kind of sharing of arousal and the stimulation of our penises. To me, this is one of the great virtues of masturbation as a practice, it’s versatility! To be able to fully enjoy it by yourself, or in the company of others are both healthy options. Either way, you are likely to also be able to relate to other people in a happier, more relaxed, and friendly way, when you are not masturbating.
The old-fashioned idea that “Masturbation makes you anti-social,” is really an attempt to manipulate you into masturbating less, or not at all! Neither of those is a healthy alternative.
In today’s world, if it’s something you like to share, it’s far better to merge the two so that masturbation is a social activity.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
Related Articles of Interest:
“Even for men who usually or always masturbate alone, this practice makes your solitary time more rewarding. It probably makes you a happier, better-adjusted person when you are around other people, and you interact with them.”
That first sentence is likely very true, but I don’t think there is any factual basis for the second that would contradict the “old-fashioned” notion that masturbation makes some people anti-social. You just have to go to sites like Bateworld to see all the men who label themselves “solosexual” and who claim to spend hours a day trying to satisfy their self-described addiction to bating to see examples of how anti-social it can be for some people. I’m sure for the vast majority of men, it’s nowhere near the shared communual experience that some guys might wish it would be. And certainly nowhere near as open for it to be even remotely considered social. That might be the ideal, but I think the reality for the overwhelming majority of men is that it’s something they choose to do alone most of the times they do it, because it’s easy pleasure and including any other human beings in any aspect of your life can immediately complicate things to a degree that makes it the antithesis of enjoying personal man time. It’s not hard to see how some men would prefer that to the complications of social interaction, much less an interpersonal relationship. I would argue that being alone makes it easier to be alone more, not easier to relate to other people when you finally decide to step out of your man cave.
Just because the notion might be old doesn’t mean it’s wrong and I think it’s a mistake to dismiss the reasons people thought that just because they may have wanted to discourage masturbation overall. People need to be aware of the truth behind their actions and not seek to rename them so they are easier for their conscience to accept.
I also think that characterizes being anti-social as something that is universally bad, when I don’t think it is for a lot of people. Let’s face it … a lot of people in society these days suck in a major way and the best way for some fed up people to find peace is to be excessively anti-social and avoid other humans as much as possible. Whether that is good or bad is a judgement call to be made by the person who chooses to be anti-social and the peace they bring to their lives by choosing to live that way.
But when you hear men saying they go home after work and spend all their free time naked, masturbating, and ignoring the outside world, I don’t think there is any other word that defines that better than anti-social. If you are comfortable doing it in a group, then that reality does not apply to you, but it likely does for most men, especially those who make masturbation a priority over everything and everyone else.
As someone who has been masturbating frequently (anyone outside of Bateworld would say, chronically) for nearly 40 years, with the majority of this taking place in solitude, I think the old way of thinking might apply to some, but not to most. If I am being honest, it might have applied to me at various points in my life where I was fighting setbacks, (I was depressed) and chose to avoid/limit social activity. While I did choose masturbation often during these times, if I hadn’t, I would have probably just been watching tv, or listening to music, or tinkering on cars – but in solitude regardless. At other times in my life, I have been very active socially, but still always masturbated for long periods of time, daily. For me, I have always found it to have a meditative like quality. While I do enjoy porn from time to time, I have found that I actually prefer masturbating without it. (I know, I am probably the only man who has ever felt that way!) I think the mental (or as Bruce calls it “mindful” masturbation is a very heathy and at least for me, healing, calming, and combined with semen retention, restorative.
As a career masturbator, 50+ years, I never really thought of masturbating as being anti-social. It’s simply something we do more comfortably alone. There have been times when I thought gosh I really should be finding a gal friend/partner instead of spending so much time masturbating. And from time to time I did have gal friends but never a really devoted sex partner, someone I could share a bate with or have sex with. In the end, for sexual pleasure I’ve always relied on my right hand.