“I’m not sure we completely control anything, but we can develop greater skill at navigating our experience!”
QUESTION:
In the past, when I was with someone sexually, I got so excited it was hard not to come almost immediately. Since I have learned your Mindful Masturbation practice, now I can even do cock2cock frot with guys (that’s my favorite turn on!) for a long, long time. Have you heard this kind of thing before?
RESPONSE:
Keep in mind that the level of your arousal registers in your brain centers, even as the pleasure-receptor nerves in your penis are being stimulated. Erotic stimulation continually fires messages through your nervous system, along your spine into your brain. Because the arousal level is registered in and monitored by your mind through this process, to train yourself in Mindful Masturbation helps you gain some control over ejaculation.
I prefer to say that it helps you to make ejaculation a choice. Otherwise, arousal may simply build suddenly, overwhelm you and happen whether you are ready or not! Until I was in my early forties, I was never able to enjoy pure penis pleasure for as long as I wanted it to last. The term “control” is a bit rigid, and I’m not sure we completely control anything, but we can develop greater skill at navigating our experience!
Slow down!
What I teach that helps men to make ejaculation a choice is first and foremost: Slow down! Learn to breathe deeply, just as you learn in almost every training, whether it is sports, singing, Yoga, meditation, or simple relaxation. Breathe deeply and keep relaxed during your arousal. You get erections in association with the nervous system function called “the relaxation response.” This is the opposite of the stressed out “fight or flight response.”
Awareness
Combine this with awareness that you don’t need to have a full erection all the time while you masturbate. Add in a variety of strokes. Yes, simply slow down your strokes, allow your sessions to grow longer, more relaxed. Let your ecstatic sensations build gradually higher and higher. Consider this growing, increasing arousal a gradual ascent climbing plateau-to-plateau, rather than a faster goal-oriented climb like a mountain ascent!
Even when you do choose to ejaculate, it’s also rewarding to learn to enjoy as much pleasure as you wish to have before it happens. This was the revolutionary breakthrough I experienced in my own personal masturbation practice back in 1995, which changed my life and launched my career as an erotic activist.
Even when you do choose to ejaculate, it’s also rewarding to learn to enjoy as much pleasure as you wish to have before it happens.
To explicitly respond to your question: Yes! Many men in my experience tell me that once they really caught on to how to masturbate mindfully, not focused on porn or fantasy, but paying full and complete attention to their own body, helps them to avoid premature ejaculation when they are with someone else in an aroused state. You develop greater and greater erotic skill.
The same things do not necessarily work the same way for different people, but we all have the same basic human design. Most men not only love to masturbate but can learn to masturbate with far greater skill than ever before, if they wish to!
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
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