If this man is truly your best friend, his happiness must be at least as important as your own.
QUESTION:
My best friend and I love to masturbate together, and we do this a lot. It’s an important part of our lives! But I know he also does it quite a bit online with other guys and this drives me crazy. How can I persuade him to stick to me as his only bate buddy?
RESPONSE:
An important life-lesson that anyone can benefit from learning and trying to put into practice is that you cannot really own or control another person. Sure, people may play games of “Master and Slave,” or “Puppy and Owner,” but in truth, any healthy relationship that is not just a game will involve a bottom line of respecting each other’s freedom.
A famous song talks about setting someone free because you love them. When you truly, genuinely love someone, consider this deeply. Do you want their happiness at least as much as your own, or more? If not, examine: What is the relationship about? Is it more about pleasing you than pleasing him?
An important life-lesson that anyone can benefit from learning and trying to put into practice is that you cannot really own or control another person.
If this man is truly your best friend, his happiness must be at least as important as your own. It is not healthy to seek to control or limit him. In fact, it will be a great gift to him, and even to yourself, if you can summon the generosity of spirit to literally tell him: “Because I love you as my Phallic Brother, I want you to enjoy yourself as much as possible. Feel free to enjoy your online sessions with others. What makes you happy makes me happy!”
This may not feel easy or even right at first, but do consider it deeply. Who are you seeking to please in this situation? If you want to please yourself at the expense of his freedom, then there is something going on you are not yet understanding and accepting about your role in this relationship. Also, you place your wishes above his. Friendship is a relationship. It is often deeper than “romantic” relationships.
Should you actively try to insist and force your friend to stop masturbating with other guys online, this has the potential to damage your friendship. The alternative, to seek to accept what he wants and even tell him so, could represent a good step in your own personal growth. Consider carefully: Why am I threatened by him sharing with other guys? Don’t I trust the strength of our bond? Is your own self-esteem involved?
Possibly your friend would even be open to both of you, together camming with some other guys, and all sorts of exciting combos are possible in this regard. Try not to get attached to such a scenario ahead of time, but it might be worth proposing that to him.
Masturbating together with other men, what I call Phallic Brotherhood, is a powerful and profound form of male bonding. I consider it one of the deepest connections that human males can experience. Treat this friendship as the precious thing it clearly is, do your best to think of your friend before yourself, and you will also be richly rewarded.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
Gotta be honest here, it sounds like someone here is experiencing feelings that go beyond a friendship.
To have your best friend as a bate buddy is an incredibly wonderful situation to find yourself in. The rest is us who don’t have a best friend like that are the truly jealous ones.
I must admit that I am perplexed at the writer’s concerns. I understand that bating together is a higher form of brother bonding then lets say playing golf together yet it is not that far removed. My nose would not get bent out of shape if my golfing friend played a round with another guy. It is something you do and enjoy with a friend. This is not an exclusive relationship. If I bated with a brother, which I so want to do, I have an understanding that our “friend with benefits” relationship would not be as deep as my relationship with my wife or his relationship with his partner. Go with the flow, enjoy the special bond between you but don’t be jealous; that is a poison pill for your friendship.
Good advice as usual, but a bitch to practice.
I think it’s a natural human trait to desire a degree of exclusivity when we start to connect with another on a deeper level… especially if there is a sexual component. Perceived “infidelity” to the relationship is very threatening. Trying to articulate what one is feeling about it can be even more internally threatening and challenging. It’s messy for sure.
I’m not sure what the answer is for this situation, but being honest about it always results in the outcome that was meant to be.