It was difficult, in the beginning, to comprehend my feelings of horniness and not wanting to have any kind of sex; I wasn’t even in the mood to masturbate. Where did this feeling come from and what was to blame for this unsatisfying mood?
When I think back on these feelings of yearning, I am grateful to finally understand that these types of feelings are acceptable and nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes, the connection we seek may not be able to be sexually fulfilled and it is important to recognize that while our penis may need daily attention, it is totally understandable that our hearts may need something entirely different. Being a Solosexual can be a wonderful and fulfilling lifestyle, and it is essential that we do not neglect other important needs that we have.
I think it’s about time we finally appreciate and understand that Bator men are made entirely different. There was a time in my life when I walked around in secret, harboring feelings of being completely seuxally inadequate. I would bash my head in trying to figure out why the sex that truly got me off, was widely misunderstood by other males and even sometimes other Bators. When I get to the heart of the matter, my Solosexuality is a journey about finding a connection to myself, first and foremost, and then to others and sometimes this need for connection far outweighs the need to experience an orgasm; if you’ve ever felt the same, then you’re not alone.
Often, I find when trying to connect with another Bator, the expectation of a mutual mastubration session can sometimes weigh heavy and rather than communicate what we actually want to do, we simply engage because “something is better than nothing, right?” Wrong. This way of thinking can be classified as having “Scarcity Mentality” and only leads to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. In my sex, i’ve learned to respect my needs and wants and occasionally, my sex drive leads me to other forms of intimacy. While I love masturbation with another bator and even masturbating in groups, I’ve learned to be attentive to other requirements that my body has.
For example, cuddling in front of a TV on a Friday night can totally do it for me. Another form of intimacy that turns me on is kissing while listening to a seductive playlist. As you can see, mastubation does not need to happen in order for your sex life to thrive and while these activities can enhance connection between you and a fellow bator, it is always important to verbalize your expectations as to avoid an awkward sexual encounter.
It’s so important to not get caught up in the idea of what sex is supposed to be and who it’s supposed to be with; this only causes stress on your body and generally leads to a less fulfilling sexual encounter. If you can, take a break from watching porn and listen to the cues that your body will naturally give you. Now more than ever, it’s essential that we begin to practice the most self care and show ourselves the most self love in order to successfully thrive in this new environment.
Being a Solosexual gives us the unique ability to tap into our inner most desires and share those things without shame and judgement from the people we need it the most. I for one like to think that our Brotherhood is made up of a myriad of sexual expressions and not one expression is better than the other.
As men, we have been taught to showcase the qualities that make us strong and supreme and although it is these very qualities that reinforce our attraction to the Bator Brotherhood, let us not get caught up in the idea that this is the only way to be male. We are all so different in our sexual expressions and the beauty of our Solosexiality should not be overshadowed with the notion that sex is all that matters. The truth is, men want connection, we want to know that we matter and that we have been chosen for all the beautiful things we have to offer.
If a hug is what you need, don’t be afraid to seek and obtain it; the penis is happy so long as your heart is happy too.
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I love this article. It’s me. I am almost daily looking for porn to arouse me, but if I’m honest, what makes me smile most and gives me a warm feeling inside, is when I am day-dreaming about chatting to or flirting with a nice guy, being held, being spoken to.
The fact is I have barely any experience of intimacy between two people, and what I have had wasn’t great, and the thought of the physicality of it scares me, I know I would be awkward and… well, crap is the only word I can think of.
I can masturbate, and it feels better now than it did when I was a teenager, it’s the other stuff I want from another person.
Oh, B’bator, Fluffyman, I feel ya! And I wish you all the intimacy you desire!
I’m not being original to point to the fact that we men have generally been raised to be invulnerable, to not show our emotions – at least not the “soft” ones. As a kid, I just somehow knew that part of me had to hide. Only in retrospect do I realize that that hidden part is the part that loves other men.
To have intimacy with a man requires both men opening their hearts. That can happen! Yet both have to deprogram themselves from the ideas and strictures of manhood that society imposes. It’s in finding strength and safety in ourselves, and loving and affirming ourselves, that we can open to others and be fully present with them.
I discovered that once I made that move, looking into another man’s eyes for a time or holding/being held by another man could be as ecstatic as any orgasm. And Fluffy33, when you get there, I guarantee you it will feel as natural as can be.