Ask The Batemaster: Guys Compliment My Penis, But My GF Never Does

The penis tends to impress men more than it impresses women.

QUESTION: I live with my girlfriend and we do have sex pretty often, at least once or twice a week, and I guess I really love her a lot. But I also like guys online, though it’s sort of a secret. She never tells me my penis is nice, but a lot of guys do. So, what gives about all of this?

RESPONSE: For now, you have it both ways apparently, keeping your relationship with the girlfriend going well enough to sustain it, and also enjoying your secret appreciation of your own sex on the Internet. There’s certainly nothing wrong or unusual about this. As in any personal situation involving an actual person in your life, I will not tell you what to do, except do try to be kind, and think of that person as much as yourself.

From the sketch you provide, I’ll tell you some things I notice from my perspective. You do not seem 100% enthusiastic about your connection with the girlfriend. Still, no one can understand another person’s relationship, and your own is never all that simple, either! Still, you do qualify your statement that you love her with “I guess.” 

Also, the matter of her appreciation of your penis is not an uncommon situation for quite a few guys. Ever since the scientist Jared Diamond discussed the human penis in his book The Third Chimpanzee many years ago, something has become clearer than ever. The human penis tends to impress fellow males more than it impresses human females. Diamond states that the human penis seems to have evolved as the largest male reproductive organ in the Primate Order in relation to overall body size, more as a signal to, and to impress fellow males. (Primates include humans, apes, monkeys, lemurs, and tarsiers.)

Not that women are uninterested in the penis, though they may be generally less obsessed with it than men. A female person is probably more interested in the overall thoroughness of male lovemaking, the emotional closeness, and a man’s quality of attention to her, than the quantity of his measurable manhood. Men, in contrast, tend to be connoisseurs of penis appearance in this Internet Age when many men have seen hundreds and thousands of penises, at least online. For men, though size is often an important concern, there are also considerations of the various styles of the glans, or penis head, shaft thickness, variations of color, texture, blood vessels visible on the shaft, and so on.

If your online activity, and the masturbation that probably accompanies it is only “sort of” a secret, it seems you sense that your girlfriend may already know, at least that you masturbate to Internet images. She may not know that your fellow men are involved. 

Only you can know how much keeping this secret really inhibits your enjoyment, or does it in some ways enhance your enjoyment? How serious is the risk of upsetting her, should you try to come clean and tell her part or all of it? One more thing I have to wonder: Have you ever asked her directly how much she really likes your penis?

Don’t base your opinion of yourself on her opinion—at the same time, understandably, it matters to you.

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.