“You’re fortunate if your wife truly accepts your need for some private time to masturbate online.”
QUESTION: I’m a young father of 3 kids under age 7. My wife and I still have sex (when possible!) at least once or twice a week. But I must be the luckiest guy in the world because I had a talk with her: she really accepts that I have different needs from her. When I lock the door of my home office, no one disturbs me! I can stroke for hours on BW and webcam with Phallic Brothers to my heart’s content! How awesome is this?
RESPONSE: It is awesome indeed! You have the best of several worlds, and yes, you’re fortunate if your wife truly accepts your need for some private time to masturbate online. In fact, as we now understand, jealousy of a man’s love for masturbation is not only a problem for many gay couples, but also for married men who want more erotic pleasure than their wife is prepared or able to share. Your wife has a lot of responsibility, plus a great deal to distract her from having as much sex with you as you might wish. But you also need to think about her other needs, such as enough help with the kids.
Many marriages and partnerships become somewhat unbalanced and difficult due to different degrees of interest in sexual sharing. So long as you are not neglecting to help her with the kids as much as you can, your private masturbatory paradise is a great and healthy thing. You may even be helping your relationship with her to some degree, by not feeling obliged to find real-time sexual partners outside the marriage, as well as being able to explore your interest in other guys’ penises and masturbating with them via cam.
Just be sure to reward her with special consideration too, with whatever you can do for her. Make sure she sometimes gets a break from such overwhelming parental duties. To be responsible for one small child is more than a full-time job. Your brood of three little ones must be overwhelming at times. If your wife allowing you private time to masturbate in your locked office makes you a happier, more satisfied parent, as well as a better spouse, then it’s totally a win-win situation.
Women often turn their small children into Priority #1, and hubby or boyfriend becomes #2. This doesn’t mean she loves you less, either. It sounds to me like you have a strong and reasonable relationship with your wife, who shows unusual common sense and emotional maturity if she truly understands and accepts the situation, as you described.
My observation suggests that for many human males physical pleasure for its own sake may be more important than it is for human females. Women often seem to consider the emotional component just as important. Not all sexuality experts agree on this. Anyway, our wife is really giving you a great gift with her understanding, so don’t forget to reward her adequately in return!
A good man often learns the importance of emotional sensitivity and responsibility from women, even if he is also attracted to his fellow men. To treat your online bate buddies with respect and kindness is just as worthwhile as keeping your own family your highest priority of all.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.
This latest/question/answer is amazing. First, I’d like to state that I am a life long masturbator and started playing with my cock around age 5-6. I was a stay at home dad for many years when our three children were young. I had many opportunities to bate when the kids napped, the early years of school and my wife being at work all day. Once I rejoined the workforce I masturbated when I could. I still “saved” myself so that I could still “give” to my wife. She was not aware of my need and desire to masturbate. I was the one that did all the usual housework, cooking, taking kids to appointments, etc. In addition i did all the “manly” chores such as yard work, vehicle maintenance, etc. My reward was staying at home so i could masturbate and my wife being a very active sexually pleasing partner. Now, in my 60s and retired I find myself at home yet again doing the same chores as described earlier. The difference is that my wife is no longer sexually active. My masturbation has become a much greater important part of who I am. My wife is still unaware and after 40 years of marriage I know her well enough to know that she would not accept my “need.” The questioner is a very lucky man to have a wife that understands and lets him have uninterrupted alone time. I wonder if she does the same when she is alone?
Thanks for your great account of your own experience, Brother. I think experiences like yours are a lot more common, where a man manages to masturbate when he can, but is not able to let his partner or spouse or significant other know–if possible. Strange, isn’t it, how masturbation and mens’ need for the same is still a rather touchy subject! Human nature is complex and often contradictory… and the matter of being married to a woman (or even having a male partner) of many years who is no longer interested in sex, is also common. — BPG
Hello.. Im in a 5yr relationship, and my partner knows about my need to jack off. He allows me to go to
the Jack Off Club, and I’m very respectfull when I go. I only look,and dont touch. My question is I
like web camming: do you think I should discuss web camming (J/O with him).
Current, he doesnt know I do it.
Let me know.
This is probably a fairly common situation now too–however, I cannot tell you what to do about the camping. It’s really up to you to sense your partner out, or even ask him bluntly. You might want to put your question in more hypothetical terms first, such as “What do you think about JO during camping, as opposed to the Club variety?” In both cases, the look (and masturbate to what you see) but don’t touch may apply, though with camping, of course, you cannot touch. I’d be careful of your partner’s feelings, but also stick up for what you really want, and feel you need. — BPG
Sir.. Im proud to be a masturbator aftern reading your article, regarding the acceptance of your wife.
Do you and your wife discuss bonderies, like (you cannot meet the men online, etc).
Let us know.
Brother: This question comes from a man I sometimes chat with on BW, and in our discussions, he made it clear he had agreed not to actually meet anyone in person for masturbation. I asked him to boil down his specific question to fewer words, and even edited his response, so I can answer this. Yes, they discussed boundaries, and she’s content with him masturbating so long as it’s online. — BPG
One thing mentioned here is the fact that the husband in the straight relationship is masturbating to male erotica. Does the wife know this level of detail? Or is that kept a secret? How would that admission change the dynamics?
Good questions, and I’m not sure. I did chat with this guy beyond the actual question I boiled it down to… and I had the impression it is totally his own realm of online masturbation as far as his wife knows. She knows he is masturbating to things on his computer or tablet or phone, but probably does not know about the m/m aspect, and possibly does not want to know that much detail. Thanks for asking! — BPG
I think there are countless men out there who have lived a similar life as selfrewarder has. I, myself, and one of them. I am a writer, and have worked alone for nearly my entire adult life. I maintain a private office 5 minutes from my home and have for decades had the ability to engage in daily (ok, well multiple times each day) lengthy masturbation sessions without fear of discovery or interruption. The advent of the internet over the last 20-25 years has greatly enhanced my experience, and has validated my assertion that this practice is much more common than most realize. I don’t have my wife’s endorsement either, however, and while she understands that many men have higher libidos, I am certain she would be outraged at the sheer number of hours I have spent and continue to spend enjoying the incredible highs that extreme edging and semen retention provide for me.
Let me add to the guys who are out to their wives as masturbators. My wife knows I bate to porn and with other guys and that I’m bisexual. It has only deepened and improved our marriage. It may seem counterintuitive but for couples willing to try it has tremendous rewards